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For many mothers, one of the toughest aspects of parenting—especially during the baby and toddler years when there’s always one child nursing and another climbing on your lap or requesting assistance in the bathroom—is the overwhelming feeling of being “touched out.” The lack of personal space and autonomy over your own body can take a significant toll on your mental well-being. And just when you finally manage to get the little ones to sleep in their beds, your partner is looking for affection too. It feels like it never ends.
Does this resonate with you? Are you contemplating a getaway to a remote field where no one can find you, just to enjoy a moment of solitude? Do you fantasize about living in a cozy little house surrounded only by your books, comfy slippers, and your own thoughts? Or is it just me? Great.
Honestly, the feeling of being “touched out”—especially when I had three kids in five years—was incredibly draining. We need to address this more openly. We’ve discussed the debates around breastfeeding versus formula-feeding, natural births versus C-sections, and stay-at-home moms versus working moms. Yet, no one really warns us that personal space will be a luxury for years to come. Those jokes about hiding in the pantry (ha!) reflect our reality; we feel desperate for even a moment without someone clinging to us. This constant physical demand can strain relationships as well.
This sensation is real and common, but it needs more conversation. We must find ways to carve out time for ourselves, so when the baby needs feeding, the toddler seeks a hug, and your partner craves intimacy, you’ve replenished your own energy to support your family. When you’re “touched out,” there’s nothing left to give.
The exhaustion from this pandemic has pushed me to new lows, far beyond what I ever imagined. I’m struggling to keep going and don’t feel like caring for anyone else. I am completely “touched out” and desperately need a break from it all.
Confessions
- Confession #1: I feel a cringe whenever my husband or kids touch me. After being everyone’s support for so long, I can’t stand the physical contact anymore.
- Confession #2: I want to be emotionally present for my kids, but after a year of being home with them and remote working—with my partner hardly around to help—I’m drained. I can’t give from an empty cup.
- Confession #3: On top of the regular challenges of raising young children, the pandemic has made it worse. We couldn’t leave the house or see friends for coffee or drop the kids off at Grandma’s. We’re more “touched out” than ever.
- Confession #4: I never realized how much I’d dislike being touched until I had kids.
- Confession #5: Someday I might miss my child wanting to sit in my lap, but right now, I just want to have dinner with my husband without a toddler interrupting.
Moms of young children live this reality daily. We rarely get privacy—be it in the bathroom, shower, or even during sleep. There’s always someone nearby. It’s frustrating and can lead to feelings of resentment. Partners, if you see your partner feeling neglected, try to empathize with her situation. Help around the house, do the dishes, handle a load of laundry, or even give her a weekend away. That’s what she truly needs—not more physical closeness.
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Summary
The reality of motherhood often leaves women feeling “touched out”—exhausted from constant physical demands from children and partners. This feeling can take a toll on mental health and relationships. Open discussions about personal space and the need for alone time are essential for well-being. Partners should understand and support their loved ones by sharing household responsibilities and allowing for moments of solitude.