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Last year, when our school district transitioned to hybrid learning, my family chose to stick with full-time remote education. Fast forward a year, and despite case numbers in our county being nearly double what they were last year, I sent my kids back to in-person school without much hesitation.
It’s puzzling, isn’t it? Sure, we have more information now, and one of my kids is vaccinated, with my younger child scheduled to receive the vaccine soon (from my lips to God’s ears and the FDA’s). We’re aware that the risk of transmission in schools is low when safety measures like universal masking are in place. Plus, 75% of my family is vaccinated. Yet, logically, this situation doesn’t add up.
A year ago, when case numbers were lower, I didn’t let my unvaccinated kids socialize with their friends unless it was outside. We avoided restaurant dining and indoor gatherings with family and friends. Now, we’re doing all those things.
It just doesn’t make sense. Yes, we’re fully vaccinated, and so are most people we interact with—at least, I hope they are. But what about the kids under 12? They’re not vaccinated yet. Can someone explain this to me?
While we do have more knowledge about safety, the decision-making process is often muddled by pandemic fatigue and instinct. I’m exhausted and my mind feels overloaded, making it hard to think clearly. After experiencing some normalcy this past summer, the Delta variant and a significant number of unvaccinated individuals have sidelined that sense of normalcy. We can’t just revert to pre-pandemic living; it feels like we can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube.
So here we are, navigating this confusing, anxious, and illogical landscape of life. It’s a chaotic mix of uncertainty and cognitive dissonance, all while we cross our fingers. It would be challenging enough if I didn’t have young kids, but for those of us with unvaccinated children, it feels like an unsolvable math problem.
“Should we let our child go to a playdate with a new friend? Let me check the case rate in our area and weigh the pediatric hospitalization numbers against the joy and socialization my child would miss by skipping another typical childhood experience,” as Emily Carter expressed in an article.
I completely relate to this overwhelming calculus. One of my kids wants to go mini-golfing with friends today. Sounds safe, right? They’ll be outside and vaccinated. But what about the staff and other customers? Are they vaccinated? Who knows? I could suggest wearing a mask, but let’s be real; we know how that goes when I’m not around.
My husband and I have set some guidelines to help with our decisions, but mostly, my choices about COVID-related matters depend on my mood, emotional state, and gut feelings. None of it seems logical.
Even my emotional state is baffling. I’ve spent most of the past year anxious, yet now I find myself surprisingly less worried. I wouldn’t say I’m calm, but I’m not nearly as anxious as I was a year ago, even with higher case counts. It turns out, I’m not alone in feeling this way.
“I thought this renewed uncertainty would make me more anxious, like I felt for most of 2020,” Carter noted. “Instead, I’m numb, overwhelmed by confusing statistics and choices, making it hard to feel anything other than detached when facing new decisions.”
Many of us feel broken, cognitively, emotionally, and mentally. Our internal systems are malfunctioning. Some parents may overestimate risks, while others shut down due to “psychic numbing.”
At times, it feels like free-falling. It resembles a roller coaster ride into an unknown void. We think we’re securely strapped in and being “safe enough,” but uncertainty looms. It’s unsettling, chaotic, and terrifying if we dwell on it.
Experts suggest looking to trusted sources for guidance and using personal values to inform decisions. While this approach is helpful, what’s truly comforting for me is realizing I’m not alone in this bewildering experience.
We are entrenched in the “nothing makes sense” phase of the pandemic, much like the early days of “we’re all in this together.” I may not trust my decision-making right now, but I believe it will return eventually. In the meantime, I’ll rely on trusted experts and instinct.
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Summary
The author reflects on the illogical nature of current COVID-19 decisions, where feelings of anxiety have shifted to numbness, despite rising case numbers and vaccination status. The struggle to navigate parenting during a pandemic, particularly with unvaccinated children, adds complexity to everyday choices. The piece captures the confusion and emotional toll of living through this ongoing crisis while seeking comfort in shared experiences and expert guidance.