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October brings with it vibrant colors, pumpkins, and my favorite seasonal delights, marking a time of renewal and change. As we embrace the beauty of autumn, I reflect on my own journey through a prolonged dark period in my life. Now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I feel compelled to share my story with you. Although I don’t often subscribe to the belief that everything happens for a reason, in this instance, I believe it helps me make sense of the pain I endured.
Since 1978, October has been designated as Domestic Violence Awareness Month across the United States. Domestic violence takes various forms, including emotional, financial, physical, and verbal abuse. Each type is equally reprehensible. Your partner may belittle you, disrespect you, and instill fear without ever laying a finger on you. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t abuse. I was unaware of this for far too long.
For years, I convinced myself that despite my dread for spending time with my partner, it didn’t equate to abuse; we simply had a challenging relationship. I now know that was a false belief. If you find yourself questioning your reality—wondering if this is normal or if others experience similar feelings—let me assure you: it’s not you. You deserve better.
Understanding Emotional and Verbal Abuse
Promises of “this will be the last time” echo in your mind, but they are empty words. My partner never hit me; he never laid a hand on me. Yet, there were instances where he threw objects in anger. I often thought that if he had physically assaulted me, it would have been easier to recognize the abuse and leave. But because he didn’t, I stayed, convinced that I wasn’t truly being abused and that others had it worse.
It took years to realize that domestic violence can manifest in many subtle ways. Just because physical violence isn’t present doesn’t mean you aren’t suffering from more insidious forms of abuse. My partner often replaced my name with derogatory terms, insulting me in front of our child. “Your child is hungry, do you know how to be a mom?” he would say. I was constantly belittled, and though I knew the truth about myself, the repetition of these insults began to erode my sense of self.
Emotional and verbal abuse often starts with small digs disguised as jokes, and abusers will frequently claim you are overly sensitive. By the time their words become clearly hurtful, they will twist the narrative, making you feel responsible for their behavior. This is gaslighting at its worst.
You Deserve Better
It took me far too long to understand that not all relationships are like mine. Disagreements and arguments are normal, but the way we handle conflicts can distinguish a healthy relationship from one filled with emotional manipulation. Your partner should never disrespect you or undermine your self-worth. This isn’t tough love; it is domestic violence, and it is abuse.
From an outside perspective, the signs of abuse can be glaringly obvious. However, when you’re entrenched in the situation, it’s much more challenging to see. Abusers often seek to isolate you, making it harder for you to recognize the toxicity of your relationship. If someone close to you expresses concern about your relationship, it’s worth taking a moment to reflect. My ex would often tell me to disregard their opinions, insisting that they didn’t understand our dynamic. In reality, he was keenly aware of his wrongdoing and wanted to keep me away from those who could expose the truth.
No matter what justification your abuser provides, you are never deserving of their mistreatment. Emotional and verbal abuse are serious issues, and it is absolutely valid to leave. You don’t need physical injuries to prove you are enduring domestic abuse. You are worthy. Your experiences matter, even if they are unseen.
If you find yourself in need of support, please reach out to resources like The National Domestic Violence Hotline or visit their website. For more insights into the journey of home insemination, our post on home insemination kits offers valuable information. Additionally, Make a Mom is an authority on this topic, providing resources that may be helpful. For more information on pregnancy, check out this excellent resource.