ADHD Is Not a ‘Parenting Fail’: Essential Insights for Parents

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I recall an encounter with a teenager years ago who struggled to participate in a group project. He would often doze off, lose focus, and fail to take notes during important instructions. One day, he expressed his frustration, revealing that he had ADHD. Unfortunately, my peers and I dismissed his struggle, thinking he was just lazy and coasting on our efforts for good grades.

Fast forward to the day my own child received an ADHD diagnosis. I had already come to understand that ADHD is a genuine condition, not merely an excuse for poor behavior—a realization I wish I could share with that teenager from my past. With October being ADHD Awareness Month, it feels appropriate to share what I’ve learned about this condition.

ADHD Is More Than One Disorder

Dr. Lisa Thompson, a neuropsychologist based in New York City, describes ADHD as “a neurological condition with multiple behavioral components, including both motor and cognitive aspects.” ADHD is categorized into three subtypes. Previously recognized as ADD and ADHD, the term ADD now refers to the inattentive type of ADHD, characterized by trouble maintaining focus, following detailed instructions, and organizing tasks. Individuals with this subtype often have poor working memory, are easily distracted, and frequently misplace items. It is commonly identified in girls and adults.

The second subtype, known as hyperactive and impulsive type, is characterized by a constant need for movement, fidgeting, and difficulty remaining seated. Individuals may talk excessively, interrupt others, and struggle to control their impulses. This subtype is more frequently diagnosed in children and males. The third type, combined type, exhibits symptoms from both inattentiveness and hyperactivity/impulsivity.

Navigating the Diagnosis of ADHD

Securing an ADHD diagnosis can be a complex journey. My family consulted three different doctors before receiving the correct diagnosis, which required significant time, effort, and financial resources. Specialist appointments often come with long wait times, leaving children to struggle in school and at home. One doctor dismissed my concerns, suggesting my child was simply behaving like a typical boy. However, data from the CDC indicates that 9.4% of children are diagnosed with ADHD, with a higher prevalence in boys. This underscores that ADHD is not uncommon, yet it took us years to obtain a formal diagnosis.

Dr. Thompson points out that ADHD is often evident from early childhood, though it’s commonly diagnosed when academic performance declines. “The overlap of symptoms can complicate diagnosis,” she states. She employs standardized testing and assessments to aid in diagnosis and urges anyone suspecting ADHD to pursue a formal evaluation, as this is crucial for paving the way for success.

Various Treatment Approaches for ADHD

In my youth, Ritalin was the standard medication for ADHD, but today we have a broader understanding and numerous treatment options. Dr. Thompson notes that ADHD can effectively be managed with medication, behavioral modifications, and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which teaches coping strategies. The brain’s plasticity means it can be retrained through consistent practices.

We’ve found success with speech and occupational therapy, along with play therapy, which has been beneficial for our child. Speech therapy aids working memory and social skills, while occupational therapy addresses handwriting issues and sensory needs. Play therapy helps children learn to follow directions and cope with frustrations.

Some parents choose to implement dietary changes alongside or instead of medication, such as eliminating artificial additives and processed foods, or providing omega-3 supplements. Medication decisions are often challenging, given potential side effects. Dr. Thompson adopts a holistic approach, discussing medication’s benefits and drawbacks, tracking progress, and advocating for complementary therapies. Unlike therapy, which may take time to yield results, effective medication can provide immediate benefits.

The Stigma Around ADHD is Evolving

When my peer revealed his ADHD, our group responded with ignorance, as ADHD carried a stigma at that time. Thankfully, society’s understanding and acceptance of ADHD have improved substantially since then. I want to emphasize that ADHD is not a label but a legitimate medical diagnosis.

Additionally, children with ADHD may have other co-occurring disorders, including oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or learning disabilities like dyslexia or dyscalculia. Kids with ADHD are also at a higher risk for anxiety and depression. Dr. Thompson highlights that a competent doctor will strive for accurate diagnoses.

In the public school system, children with ADHD may be eligible for a 504 plan or an IEP, providing accommodations and support to help them succeed academically alongside their neurotypical peers.

ADHD Is Not a Reflection of Parenting Skills

A common misconception is that parents of children with ADHD are failing in some way. Many believe that stricter discipline or different approaches would resolve these issues. However, ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that isn’t caused by parenting styles.

Dr. Thompson emphasizes that children with ADHD thrive in structured and calm environments, where they can predict routines. While parents are not to blame for their child’s ADHD, it is crucial for them to seek support if they feel overwhelmed. Being a supportive ally is vital for their child’s success. We’ve learned to focus on our child’s strengths and triggers, realizing that conventional parenting techniques often backfire. Resources like The Explosive Child, The Yes Brain, and The Whole Brain Child have provided valuable insights.

Thankfully, the perception of ADHD has evolved since my teenage years, with more resources available to support diagnosed children. Most importantly, children can now advocate for themselves and take pride in their accomplishments.

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Summary

ADHD is a legitimate neurological disorder that is often misunderstood and stigmatized. It is not a reflection of parenting skills. Treatment can include medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes. Understanding ADHD can help parents provide better support to their children, emphasizing that proper diagnosis and treatment are essential for success in both academic and personal realms.