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As a woman who has embraced the role of a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) and work-at-home mom for over a decade, I can honestly say that this journey is incredibly challenging. While I feel grateful to have this option—understanding that many parents lack the flexibility to choose between staying home and working outside—I never anticipated how tough this reality would be.
When my first child arrived, I was excited about the opportunity to be home, especially since my husband’s job requires him to work long hours and travel frequently. Being present for my kids has provided them with a sense of stability, knowing that I’m always there for their needs. However, the day-to-day life of a SAHM has proven to be far more difficult than I ever envisioned.
The feelings of loneliness and isolation crept in faster than I could have prepared for. Walking away from my career brought on waves of depression. My days began to blend into one another, filled with breastfeeding, diaper changes, and wiping up messes—an endless cycle that felt like it would never end. I also found myself grappling with resentment toward my husband, who got to experience the outside world, wear clean clothes, and enjoy spontaneous lunches with coworkers. His freedoms often felt like a stark contrast to my situation, and it took a toll on our relationship.
It’s crucial that we have honest conversations about the struggles of SAHM life and recognize that many mothers face significant challenges. This isn’t to say that working mothers have it easy—they certainly don’t—but the unique difficulties faced by stay-at-home moms deserve acknowledgment and support. It’s essential for those of us in this role to know we’re not alone.
To the dad at the bus stop with five kids, who relies on SAHMs for childcare while you take work calls—seriously, that’s not cool.
Confessions of a SAHM
Confession #1: My husband works from home while I’m busy being a SAHM. I was relaxing on the couch with my 4-year-old during screen time and the baby napping when he asked, “What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be cleaning or something?” Why do men say things like this? Ugh.
Confession #2: I feel like crying but can’t. My husband tells me to stop but offers no comfort. I hold it all in, which is why I’ve gained weight. I think medication might help, but he’s against it. This is the SAHM life, right?
Confession #3: After 12 years of marriage, six of which have included kids, I’ve never once been told by my husband to sleep in while he makes breakfast. He hasn’t stepped up to make dinner on his days off either. It’s these little things that slowly erode my feelings for him.
If you are a partner to a SAHM, it’s vital to ensure she feels appreciated and not taken for granted. Encourage her to take time for self-care. Let her sleep in on weekends. If she manages to get out of the house alone, don’t call her. Be supportive, not dismissive.
I’m a SAHM who decided to go back to school. Without any help with the baby and no daycare, I’m with him 24/7. I watch recorded lessons while he naps and study at night, surviving on just five hours of sleep. My husband claims he’s tired from working only a few hours a day.
Confession #4: My biggest regret as a SAHM is not planning for a career after my kids got older. One day, my husband might say that if I disappeared, it wouldn’t matter since I don’t contribute financially.
Confession #5: I dislike my job and am about to go on leave for the baby. My husband wants me to stay home, but I’m unsure whether I’ll hate being a working mom or a SAHM more. I’m terrified about leaving my job and not finding another one.
Confession #6: If I had financial independence, I could make my own choices. But as a SAHM, I gave up my career. I love spending time with my kids, but now that they’re older, I feel entirely dependent on my husband, who is becoming increasingly grumpy. Regret looms large.
Often, SAHMs put their careers on hold to care for children, which can greatly affect their self-worth. It’s exhausting to deal with mental and verbal abuse from a partner, especially when I sacrificed my career and education for the idealized role of a good SAHM. My kids are fine, but I’m not. I just feel sad.
Confession #7: My husband is selfish in bed, rarely considering my needs while expecting me to meet his. I can’t cut him off because that would only lead to worse outcomes; I’m a SAHM with no income and would either be stuck with a cheater or have to leave.
Confession #8: Had I not fallen for the SAHM trap, I might have been financially independent and living in a place where healthcare and education are prioritized. Now I feel trapped, watching my kids struggle while I remain with my husband for financial security.
For many women, the stay-at-home mom experience is incredibly tough. While some thrive in this role, many of us feel overwhelmed. We often find ourselves staring at the clock, counting down the minutes until the day ends, while dealing with the mundane challenges of toddler activities and potty training. It’s easy to lose motivation to take care of ourselves when our partners are out in the world, interacting with adults and enjoying their lives.
So, to all the SAHMs out there: I see you. I understand your struggles. You are doing an incredible job, and no matter how messy or chaotic life may seem, you are still a rockstar—spit-up and all. Don’t forget that.
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Summary
Being a stay-at-home mom is a challenging and often isolating experience, marked by feelings of loneliness, depression, and resentment toward partners who may not fully understand the sacrifices involved. Many SAHMs struggle with their identity and self-worth after stepping away from their careers, leading to emotional turmoil. It’s important for partners to provide support and validation. Despite these challenges, SAHMs are doing an incredible job and deserve recognition for their hard work.