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Raising children with high needs can lead to feelings of isolation for both kids and their parents. While this is often clear when dealing with visible disabilities, the impact of invisible illnesses, particularly mental health issues, is less recognized. Unfortunately, the absence of sympathy and support can be stark when it comes to mental health challenges. The reality is sobering: suicide is the second leading cause of death among children aged 10-14 in the United States, outpacing even cancer. Knowing this is a heavy burden to carry.
My son, whom I’ll call Alex for this piece, has faced significant mental health challenges from a young age. When he was three, he began speaking of a character he named “The Other Alex.” Initially thought to be a simple imaginary friend, it quickly became clear that when “The Other Alex” appeared, my son was not fully present. Over time, his condition worsened, culminating in his first psychotic episode at school before he turned seven. The memory of the call from the guidance counselor requesting permission to transport my son to the hospital is etched in my mind, and it was just the beginning of a long journey.
Mental illness, particularly in children, is difficult to quantify. It’s not something easily defined or measured. I can’t provide exact figures comparing his thought processes to those of his peers, but I can share some statistics from our lives:
- 8 schools attended by eighth grade, with 3 of those being full-time special education programs
- 4 in-patient admissions to pediatric psychiatric facilities by age twelve
- 5 evaluations seeking answers
- 5 different medications, with multiple doses throughout the day
- Numerous calls to law enforcement for safety reasons
- 1 CPS investigation and 4 jobs lost due to caregiving demands
These numbers paint a grim picture, and I must admit that my experience of motherhood looks nothing like I had envisioned. However, Alex is not just a number; he is a vibrant child who brings joy and hope.
Community is essential when raising children, especially those with special needs. I’ve realized that my support network has shifted from casual coffee chats with fellow parents to forming a team prepared to tackle the harsh realities of life. I need people around me who can navigate the messiness of our situation alongside me.
In my earlier parenting days, I organized book clubs and playdates, but now my perspective on community has transformed. My support system now includes:
- 6 outpatient therapists
- 3 social workers
- 2 pediatricians
- 3 psychiatrists
- 2 school resource officers
- 2 mobile crisis teams
- An array of dedicated teachers and aides
- Healthcare case managers
- Numerous emergency healthcare professionals
- Supportive pastors who have been there during tough times
I am incredibly thankful for the team we’ve built around Alex. They help alleviate the burden of isolation and ensure the safety of my children. While our journey has been fraught with challenges, it has also illuminated paths of resilience and strength that I never knew existed.
The lessons learned from parenting Alex have deepened my empathy and awareness. I now understand the complexities of childhood trauma, the necessity of advocacy for children’s mental health, and the importance of access to proper resources. My mission is to share the insights I’ve gained with other families facing similar trials, striving to make the journey more navigable for them.
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Summary
Navigating the challenges of raising a child with mental health issues has transformed my understanding of community and support. My once-casual mom squad has evolved into a dedicated team of professionals and loved ones who provide essential help. While the journey can be overwhelming, the lessons learned and the strength gained from caring for my son, Alex, are invaluable. I aim to share these insights with others who may find themselves on a similar path.