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Your Desire for Babies Doesn’t Always Mean You Want More Kids
by Mia Thomas
Updated: November 2, 2021
Originally Published: November 2, 2021
As I stroll through Target these days, I’ve developed a clever strategy for navigating the aisles. I avoid the baby section like it’s the plague, as it tugs at this mom’s heartstrings more than I can bear. Baby fever hits me hard sometimes, and it can feel impossible to shake. Those tiny socks for their little feet! The itty-bitty mittens meant to keep them from scratching their delicate faces as they snuggle into your chest! Ugh, just thinking about it brings back a flood of emotions.
Maybe I spend too much time with my nephews and nieces. Perhaps I should stop picking up the neighbor’s little ones whenever I get the chance. It turns out that baby fever isn’t just triggered by chubby cheeks and that adorable baby smell. A mix of biology and personal experiences contributes to this phenomenon, which can affect both women and men. It’s not merely a wave of nostalgia for when your children were infants. Research indicates that baby fever is influenced by your interactions with babies, which can elicit both positive and negative feelings, making you reflect on how your life would change with “just one more.”
It’s About Your Experience, Not Just Biology and Hormones
Baby fever is usually sparked by an emotional response. When you hold a newborn and share a heartwarming experience filled with cuddles and gentle cooing, it intensifies your desire to have your own little one. Conversely, if your experience involves a crying baby and feelings of despair over why nothing seems to work, that baby fever can quickly fade.
The third element that contributes to your baby fever is contemplating how life would shift by welcoming a new child. This includes everything from your relationship with your partner to your emotional, mental, financial, and physical wellbeing. If you’re already a parent, you’re familiar with the sacrifices involved in caring for another human being. For those considering parenthood, there are countless pros and cons to evaluate.
Are you prepared to give up sleeping in on weekend mornings for a grueling two-on, two-off sleep schedule for the first few months? (Let’s be honest, that can extend far beyond just a few months.) Are you okay with swapping designer bags for diaper bags that can hold everything from diapers to bottles and more? Sure, you can keep your designer bag if you want, but it’s going to take a beating.
Some of these trade-offs may not cause you to bat an eye, while others might make you reconsider whether you really want to embrace the responsibilities of parenthood in the near future. That’s the essence of baby fever. It stirs up a whirlwind of emotions but doesn’t necessarily commit you to having (or having more) children.
Baby Fever Doesn’t Mean You Want More Kids
In those moments when a baby seems irresistibly precious, and watching them nap at your friend’s house makes your heart melt, it’s easy to feel convinced that you’re ready for your own—like, right now. But hold on. It may not be immediately apparent, but just because you’re feeling baby fever intensely doesn’t mean you want to expand your family.
While baby fever affects both genders, the biological differences play a role in the decisions surrounding family planning. From our late 20s onward, if we haven’t had children yet, the pressure of our biological clocks starts to echo. There’s societal pressure reminding us that time is running out, and we should consider acting on those feelings. But here’s the reality: You can feel overwhelmed with baby fever one moment and then face a messy diaper explosion the next, which might make you think twice. In those moments, you’re likely to find yourself saying, “Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll hold your clean baby, though!”
Like many emotions, baby fever can rise and fall. My daughters are nine and seven now, and I still try to avoid the baby section at Target—not just because of my overwhelming feelings, but also because my daughters occasionally ask if there’s any chance of having a sibling. I tell them I’m uncertain. At this stage, I can’t make any promises.
For now, I’ll gladly cuddle and embrace other people’s newborns while I contemplate my next move. Perhaps this baby fever will only be satisfied by having another child, or maybe it can be appeased by simply adoring sweet little ones—just as long as I can hand them back to their parents for the less delightful moments.
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In summary, while the desire for babies can feel overwhelming and lead to thoughts of expanding your family, it’s essential to recognize that baby fever doesn’t always equate to wanting more kids. Emotional experiences, societal pressures, and personal reflections all play a role in shaping this complex feeling.