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Oh no! Not yet!
I had a mini panic attack when I saw my child’s online activity report from their school-issued Chromebook just before bedtime. My son was only eight at the time and attending virtual classes, so his Chromebook served as his classroom. I thought it was a good idea to check through the report to ensure nothing inappropriate was happening during school hours. At first glance, everything seemed typical: math sites, reading assignments, and links to his virtual classroom. But then I stumbled upon a gaming website.
“That’s not suitable,” I noted to myself, planning to chat with him about it later. I kept scrolling, and then I saw it—a single word that sent a wave of dread through me: kissing.
My heart sank. My eight-year-old was searching for kissing! I clicked through the links one by one. Most of the images featured superhero characters sharing innocent kisses, but then I hit some YouTube videos. They weren’t overly risqué, but I found the sight of young actors portraying Spiderman and Gwen Stacy sharing a PG-13 kiss in Spiderman’s room too unsettling to picture my little boy watching. Panic set in.
My anxiety stemmed from several factors. First, he was using a school computer, and I was concerned about whether the school would take action against him for misusing school property. Second, he clearly wasn’t focused on his schoolwork, which I found hard to blame him for after five months of virtual learning, but still—come on! And lastly, he was my baby, my firstborn. At just eight, the thought of him exploring these topics felt overwhelming. I didn’t have my first crush until I was twelve, and it was on Leonardo DiCaprio!
My husband had already gone to bed, but I was in full meltdown mode and decided to wake him up to share the shocking news. “He searched for kissing!” I exclaimed. My husband, though understanding my concern, didn’t seem as alarmed. “Alright,” he said, “I’ll talk to him.”
Frustrated that he wasn’t as shaken as I was, I added, “But he’s watching videos!” Suddenly, my husband looked concerned and asked what kind of videos. After I showed him, he sighed and wrapped his arm around me. He explained that when he was my son’s age, he had the same curiosity. “We all mature at different rates,” he reassured me, “and it’s normal for him to be curious.”
I hadn’t thought about development or biology as factors. Plus, in our childhood, our parents couldn’t trace our activities because we weren’t online. Our kids, however, leave a digital footprint everywhere they go.
In the end, we agreed it was concerning that he was searching on a school device and likely unaware that his history could be viewed by others. While curiosity was natural, we decided my husband would talk to him about it and emphasize that he could always come to us with questions.
When my husband approached our son, he was mortified and cried, apologizing profusely. My husband made sure to reassure him that he shouldn’t feel ashamed. I had grown up feeling that way, and I didn’t want that for him. We explained that searching for such content on school property wasn’t wise and that he should focus on schoolwork during class hours.
Fast forward a year: my kids were back to in-person school and using iPads for homework. I routinely checked their search histories and was dismayed to discover more secret inquiries midway through the school year. Curiosity clearly couldn’t be contained, and since he didn’t have a personal device, he had nowhere else to explore.
By this time, I had encountered worse stories than my son’s, so I was less upset with his search for “kissing.” I did chuckle at his search for “girls booties,” which, to his likely disappointment, led him to baby shoes. Once again, I reminded him that this was school property and that teachers and school staff could see everything we were seeing at home.
YouTube has since been restricted on all devices accessible to the kids. It can lead to inappropriate content very quickly—not to mention it’s just plain odd. There’s nothing my six- or nine-year-old needs to see at this stage. (I choose to ignore their complaints about my preventing their influencer careers.)
Eventually, I know I’ll have to ease up, as I can’t shield them from everything forever. I recognize that my protective instincts stem from my upbringing, but I am willing to learn and adapt—except when it comes to giving them unhindered access to YouTube. That’s where I draw the line.
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Summary:
The author recounts a panic-inducing moment when they discovered their eight-year-old son had searched for “kissing” on his school Chromebook. While initially alarmed, the parents ultimately decided to address the situation with understanding, emphasizing the importance of appropriate online behavior. A year later, they noticed continued curiosity in their child’s searches, leading to conversations about internet safety and boundaries, particularly regarding school property. The piece reflects on the challenges of parenting in the digital age while balancing curiosity with protection.