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After my husband moved out, it took me nearly seven months to finally download a dating app. The thought of searching for a new partner as a mother in my forties was intimidating. It was a stark contrast to my twenties.
I quickly realized that dating was going to be more challenging than I initially expected. Overcoming my insecurities was tough, but that wasn’t the hardest part. I soon noticed that many of the men I found appealing had already experienced significant life events. I sought someone around my age, which typically meant they had been married or in serious relationships before.
I, like many of my date companions, had become set in my ways. While that’s not inherently negative, I remembered how my ex-husband and I had evolved together during our long marriage. You think you have everything figured out in your youth, but life has a way of teaching you otherwise, shaping your views through experiences.
One of my early dates was with a man who had been divorced for about a year. He spent the evening lamenting how his ex-wife was “demanding a lot of alimony, which complicated his dating life.” After a few minutes, I shifted the conversation. It was evident this wouldn’t work out after he made disparaging remarks about how “unfair” it was that he had to pay her since she “didn’t work” and only took care of the kids while they were married.
Excuse me? I was once that woman — the one who “didn’t work” for most of my marriage. I dedicated my time to managing the household while my ex-husband worked long hours, pursued education, and enjoyed trips with friends. I handled cooking, cleaning, shopping, carpooling, and everything else to ensure he could focus on his career. I took pride in being a devoted mother and caretaker, and it was an arrangement we agreed upon long before marriage.
I consider myself fortunate that my ex-husband pays me alimony without hesitation. He understands that the woman often is the backbone of the household. He acknowledges that I didn’t have a traditional job outside the home, allowing me to support him in pursuing his dreams.
To all the men who grumble about “having to pay their wives,” it’s essential to understand that alimony is determined by each person’s earnings to create fairness after a partnership ends, regardless of employment status.
I recognize that receiving alimony is a privilege not everyone enjoys. If you are in this situation, you deserve it, and there should be no guilt associated with it. That man I never saw again wasn’t the only one who complained about alimony. I also went out with a lawyer who barely saw his kids because he chose to relocate, and he quickly voiced his grievances about paying alimony. Then there was another guy who boasted about cheating on his wife while bragging about the alimony he paid.
I could share more, but it infuriates me how many men harbor negative views toward paying alimony. They often feel undeserving, regardless of how their marriages ended. The reality is that women typically spend more time with their children, and child support alone often falls short. Consider the fact that we manage meals, clothing needs, and transportation for the kids.
If you are receiving alimony, remember that you have earned it. It’s no one else’s business. If you find yourself dating someone who starts whining about alimony, don’t hesitate to excuse yourself. You deserve better than that.
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Summary
In this article, Emily Johnson shares her experience with dating post-divorce and reflects on the importance of alimony. She emphasizes that women who receive alimony have earned it, often sacrificing their careers to support their families. Johnson encourages those in similar situations to embrace their rights without guilt and to recognize the unfair stigma surrounding alimony.