My Spouse Is a Workaholic and Changes Need to Happen

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I think many of us find ourselves working beyond traditional hours, occasionally sending a text or responding to emails even when the day should be over. With the world at our fingertips, it can be challenging to disconnect. However, for some, like my husband, this disconnect is nearly impossible. He is truly a workaholic, and it consumes him.

In 2020, my husband faced the unfortunate reality of job loss due to COVID. His job was furloughed in May, leaving us without his income but fortunately maintaining our health insurance. As a stay-at-home mom with a limited freelance income, I quickly realized that our finances were tight with a family of six to support. Thankfully, my husband had a side hustle that became significant. He had always dreamed of leaving his nine-to-five job to pursue his passion, and this situation provided the perfect opportunity.

Initially, he had little choice but to commit fully. We had a mortgage, tuition fees, student loans, and various bills to pay. He dove in headfirst. His business began to grow, particularly since his field thrived during the pandemic, catering to those at home. He was fortunate, indeed.

His eagerness meant that he never let a potential lead or client inquiry go unanswered. He was always connected. Although we live in the US, his clients are in different time zones, such as Australia. Our Sunday dinners often coincide with their Monday mornings, meaning he might miss family meals for business calls. At first, I understood his urgency, driven by fear of losing our home, but as our situation stabilized, my frustration grew. Surely, not every minute of the day has to be about work.

From the moment he wakes, he dives into emails. I admit, I check my messages too, but I wait until the kids are in school and I’ve had my coffee. He feels compelled to respond immediately. Texts and calls are no different; he believes he must reply right away. This constant need to be available has allowed clients to expect him at all hours of the day and night, creating an unsustainable environment. It’s frustrating!

Our children rarely have his undivided attention at events like piano recitals or soccer games because he’s always checking his phone. When he mentioned getting a smartwatch, I firmly opposed it. I can only imagine the chaos of constant notifications.

He has developed a fixation on making money, which benefits us financially, but it raises concerns. Yes, I appreciate that we are currently stable and even saving, but the mental toll of his relentless drive worries me. He has become addicted to what he calls “providing.” If he isn’t working, he feels he isn’t successful.

This obsession is affecting his emotional well-being. He constantly feels overwhelmed, believing everything must be done right away or everything will fall apart. His sleep and appetite have suffered, and this unhealthy work-life imbalance is transforming him into someone I hardly recognize.

Being self-employed can be daunting, and the pressure can be immense. However, I believe balance is achievable. My husband doesn’t see it that way; he’s either working or sleeping. When I try to discuss this with him, he becomes defensive, insisting I don’t understand the pressures he faces. While I don’t carry the same burdens, I have learned to manage my responsibilities without losing myself. I simply want him to take a breather before burnout sets in.

I worry about how long he can keep up this pace. It’s a known fact that men his age often face serious health issues due to stress, and that terrifies me. He’s not a fitness enthusiast; he’s a middle-aged man who consumes coffee and Halloween candy while working. The stress he’s piling on himself is alarming.

I’m trying my best to support him without nagging, but he sometimes confuses the two. I want him to know his hard work is appreciated and that he’s loved, but he needs to find balance. The saying holds true: no one ever wishes they had spent more time at work. The cries of “Dad, watch me!” will fade before he realizes it. I don’t want him to live with regrets. The messages can wait.

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Summary:

This narrative explores the challenges faced by a spouse dealing with a workaholic partner. The author shares their experiences of navigating financial struggles during the pandemic, the transition to self-employment, and the emotional toll that excessive work takes on family life. There’s a call for balance, urging the partner to recognize the importance of family time over work commitments.