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“Pizza it is!” I declared as I drove home from picking up the kids. My husband was on his way back from work, and there had been a mix-up about who had taken the meat out to thaw for dinner. Before either of us could apologize, I had already changed our dinner plans, and he enthusiastically replied, “On it.”
It was just an ordinary Tuesday evening. As our family gathered around the table, I glanced at my husband, who was chuckling at a terrible knock-knock joke shared by our oldest child. Suddenly, a memory from my past flooded back to me:
In high school, my mother had a demanding job that often consumed her time and energy. Despite her best efforts, she sometimes struggled to leave work at the office. I recall one evening when my dad had just started cooking dinner as my mom walked in the door. I was at the table, working on homework, and I could see her expression—exhausted, upset, and defeated. By the time she tossed her purse and keys on the counter, my dad had already switched off the stove. He noticed her too and said, “Who’s ordering pizza? Your mom and I are going for a walk. Here’s $20.”
That night, we had pizza for dinner, and it felt like any other unremarkable evening—until it changed everything. Sitting at my own kitchen table, enjoying pizza with my family, I realized how that seemingly insignificant night had shaped me.
We are influenced by the relationships we observe growing up. Often, we pinpoint significant moments and declare, “I want that,” or, “I will never have that.” Some individuals react by becoming the opposite of what they witnessed, while others aspire to cultivate the kind of love they experienced during their upbringing.
Those defining moments outline our desires, but what about the smaller instances that seem forgettable? Those fleeting moments can significantly impact who we are and what we aspire to, often without us realizing it until much later. Our lives are woven together by these seemingly minor experiences.
My parents have enjoyed over 40 years of marriage. It would be easy to say I want that kind of relationship solely based on its longevity, but I also know couples who have endured just as long and remained unhappy and lonely. Length doesn’t always equal happiness. So instead of wishing for a relationship that lasts over 40 years, I began to focus on the little things that truly matter: the steaming cups of coffee they shared in the mornings, the cheering they did together at my games, the way my dad would hand my mom the Sunday cartoon section because it was her favorite, and the playful roles they adopted when hosting gatherings.
When this memory resurfaced during dinner, I couldn’t help but smile, realizing that those intangible qualities I didn’t even know I wanted had infiltrated my own marriage, filling me with happiness and pride. It was a full circle moment.
This experience made me appreciate the importance of modeling self-love and respect for my children, showing them the kind of love they deserve in their future relationships. Additionally, I want them to grow into respectful and kind partners.
My parents unknowingly taught me that I needed a partner who could truly see me and make me feel acknowledged. I wanted someone who could recognize when I was having a tough day and help me move past it. I needed a partner who would offer understanding and grace, someone who could look at me and sense when I needed a break—a partner who could suggest ordering pizza instead of cooking.
That night, our simple solution—“Pizza it is”—held much deeper significance.
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Summary:
In exploring the enduring love between my parents, I’ve learned that it’s often the small gestures that define a successful relationship. Their ability to support each other through life’s challenges taught me valuable lessons about love, respect, and partnership that I strive to model for my own children. The importance of those tiny moments cannot be underestimated, as they shape our understanding of love and relationships.