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I have a few thoughts on the world of childcare and parenting that I believe are important, though they may not seem urgent at first glance.
Let’s Stop Insisting That “Please” Is the “Magic Word”
I appreciate the concept of magic. I love a good story, and the idea that there are forces beyond our understanding brings a certain charm to life. Yet, the word “please” should not be labeled as magical. Allow me to elaborate:
Growing up in the ’80s and hitting my teenage years in the late ’90s, I was heavily influenced by figures like Mr. Rogers. His teachings on kindness and courtesy are etched into my memory, including the idea that “please” is the magic word. However, I must call out this notion as misguided.
Words hold great power. They can linger in our minds far longer than any physical injury can heal. Therefore, when I hear the term “magic word,” I feel compelled to respond with my own thoughts.
“Please isn’t a magic word; it’s a necessity.” That’s the message I shared with my children when my daughter came home one day puzzled by her teacher’s statement in preschool.
“What does she mean, Mommy? I thought I had to say it to get something?” she asked.
“Your teacher was taught that as a child, just like her parents were. But she’s not entirely correct, is she?” I replied.
“Nope, because sometimes when I say, ‘Can I have ice cream for breakfast, pwease?’ really nicely, you still don’t let me,” she pointed out.
Exactly, I affirmed.
As a parent, I’m careful to guide my kids with phrases like, “Can you please ask nicely?” or “Don’t forget your manners.” The alternative seems misleading.
It’s simple: just being polite does not guarantee that they will receive what they want. Life requires a strong work ethic, and simply inserting a “please” before a request doesn’t magically change outcomes.
It’s crucial for children to understand that life is about balancing risk, reward, and responsibility. They should know that courtesy is important, but it doesn’t transform the impossible into possible. Instead, it is essential for navigating almost every life situation.
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To summarize, it’s essential for children to understand that while politeness is important, it does not guarantee that their wishes will be fulfilled. They need to learn that the world is complex and that kindness should not be a transaction.