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As a plus-size mom, societal expectations around body image often made me feel like I would be a source of embarrassment for my children. While we strive to create a body-positive environment at home, it’s important to recognize that not every child is raised in a space where they are free from judgment about their appearance. Jokes about body size are pervasive, and I know I can’t shield my kids from hearing them at school.
This is one of the reasons I felt self-conscious about volunteering at their school. I always envisioned myself as the mom who would help out during events, deliver gifts for the holiday toy drive, and bring treats for the office staff. I’ve always wanted to be an actively engaged mom, and up until now, I’ve managed to fulfill that desire—but not without some anxiety.
If you’ve experienced life in a larger body like I have, you might understand my perspective. Living in a plus-size body comes with its own emotional complexities, and even the most self-assured individuals can find themselves feeling uneasy in certain situations. For me, volunteering at my kids’ school was one of those moments.
It wasn’t that my body kept me from volunteering, but each time I entered the school, I felt a twinge of insecurity. I worried that rather than embracing my presence, my kids might feel awkward being seen with me. Even worse, I dreaded the thought of them facing ridicule from classmates after I left.
My boys are still young, and so far, my concerns have turned out to be unfounded. I remain a source of love and joy for them, not embarrassment. They want me to be there, to share smiles with their friends. I am their only mom, and they take pride in me.
While my insecurities haven’t materialized, my worries about kids mentioning my size aren’t entirely baseless. Throughout my life, various children have innocently pointed out my body size without any intention to offend. Often, it’s just the straightforward honesty of childhood that leads to such observations.
I’m not particularly bothered by this. Before becoming a mom, I spent a decade as a nanny, and I fondly recall one of the kids asking why I looked like a circle. I still chuckle at the memory of her adorable, chubby face asking that question.
Schools are filled with children—a multitude of little voices that might say anything at any time. It’s not unreasonable to wonder what unexpected comments a child could make about me or to my kids during my visits.
When a child mentions your size, it doesn’t have to be a serious matter. There are a few key points to keep in mind:
First, how you respond will influence how they view themselves and others. Unless it’s your own child or someone in your care, it’s not your duty to correct their commentary about your body. Try to ensure that your reaction doesn’t instill shame, as that would only reinforce negative attitudes about body size. Leave the important lessons to trusted adults in their lives.
Another factor to consider is that, unlike you, kids haven’t had years to form their opinions about bodies. They lack the understanding of the complexities behind what they say. Try not to label their observations as rude.
A while ago, I developed a mental script that makes these moments easier to navigate. When a child comments on my body, I typically respond with something like:
“I know! I am (fat/big/a circle/have a round belly/whatever the child said). Isn’t it fascinating that we are all humans but come in so many different sizes? Just like you have (a trait that differs from mine) and I have (my trait), we’re having a great time together (doing an activity). Life is so much richer because we’re not all the same!”
Usually, that suffices! Sometimes, they may have more questions, often about why I am the way I am, and I gently steer the conversation back to the idea of diverse body shapes and sizes. A simple, “That’s just how my body grew!” often does the trick.
I never deny my size because, let’s be honest, kids are perceptive. I also don’t instruct them not to comment on bodies, as that’s not my role during brief interactions. Instead, I aim to instill a sense of body positivity by simply being a confident adult in their lives who doesn’t react negatively to their innocent observations.
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In summary, while my experience as a plus-size mom volunteering at school comes with its challenges, I’ve learned to navigate them with grace. Engaging with kids about body diversity can foster a positive atmosphere and help break down stigmas, allowing for a more inclusive environment.