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As a woman who has wrestled with body image issues and disordered eating since my teenage years, I’ve always been determined to raise my daughter free from the insecurities that plagued me. Now in my 40s, I have one daughter and three sons. When my daughter was born, I promised myself I wouldn’t let her fall into the same trap of self-criticism that I did. But at just five years old, I thought she was too young for such thoughts.
One evening, as she was getting ready for bed, wearing her favorite JoJo Siwa pajamas and fuzzy slippers, she stood in front of the mirror brushing her hair. Suddenly, she sighed and said, “Mommy, I don’t like how my eyes look.” My heart sank. I wasn’t prepared for this moment.
I rushed to ask her why, and she replied it was because they are brown. I was taken aback, unsure how she had come to view her beautiful brown eyes negatively. I told her I adored her brown eyes and wished I had ones like hers, but she shook her head. I didn’t want to push her; perhaps I was overthinking it.
After tucking her in, I stepped into the hallway and broke down. I had hoped and prayed that my daughter wouldn’t inherit my struggles. I couldn’t bear the thought of her feeling the same self-loathing that had affected my relationships and overall happiness. I wondered if someone had said something to her, or if she had seen a YouTube video that influenced her feelings. Was I to blame for not monitoring her screen time? I strive to avoid negative self-talk around her, but I began to fear she might be picking up on my insecurities.
I texted my partner, feeling devastated and guilty. I worried that I had made her doubt her beauty. How could she be unhappy about something so trivial at such a young age? He reassured me that it wasn’t my fault and suggested she might have heard someone comment on green or blue eyes and wished for similar praise. That comforted me a little, but I still felt troubled.
I asked my older sons if they had said anything to her about her eyes, but they both denied it. I believed them; they’re not the type to tease her. Then it hit me—she was the only one in our family with brown eyes. And they are not just any brown; they are a lovely rich chestnut with an enchanting sparkle. I often complimented her “baby browns,” but perhaps I had unintentionally made her feel self-conscious about being different. I was trying to uplift her, but instead, I had made her uncomfortable.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I remembered how I had been teased for my body. At 12, I was already well-endowed, and the comments I received stuck with me. Even compliments can sometimes backfire, leading to insecurity.
Realizing this, I knew I had to change my approach. I will continue to compliment my daughter, but I’ll be more mindful. Instead of focusing on just one feature, I’ll make comments like, “That shirt really highlights your lovely eyes,” or “You did an amazing job on your spelling test!” I want her to know she is unique and should embrace every aspect of herself. I’ll be sincere but subtle in my praise, and in my heart, I’ll always cherish her beautiful brown eyes.
This experience has been eye-opening, and I hope to foster a positive self-image in my daughter as she grows. For more insights on parenting and home insemination, you can check out this post, or visit Make a Mom for expert guidance. Additionally, WHO provides valuable resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
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In summary, while I aimed to lift my daughter’s spirits with compliments, I inadvertently made her self-conscious. Moving forward, I will strive to be more mindful of my words, ensuring she knows she is perfect just as she is.