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The past couple of years have stripped away my protective barriers, leaving me feeling exposed and vulnerable.
I’ve long been familiar with anxiety, having navigated my way through it since childhood. From being separated from my mother at school to panicking before presentations and leaving social gatherings early, anxiety has always been a constant presence. I remember the overwhelming fear that gripped me on my first morning in college, heart racing as I begged my parents to take me home.
My life has been a series of challenges, but through years of therapy and self-work, I’ve managed to create safe spaces and establish healthy boundaries. Yet, despite improvements in the world around me, my anxiety has intensified. Why is that?
The last two years have taken a toll on the defenses I’ve worked hard to build. I now feel like a turtle without its shell, my nervous system exposed to the world. Simple outings like grocery shopping trigger racing thoughts about my child’s safety, while social plans often feel overwhelming.
It reminds me of a recent workout class I jumped into without any preparation, only to be left sore for days. I think there’s a parallel here: just as my body reacted to sudden exertion, my mind is now responding to two years of constant stress and uncertainty.
As normal life resumes, I wonder if my mind is lagging behind. The continuous fear for my family’s well-being, compounded by global chaos—from climate crises to geopolitical tension—has left me in a constant state of high alert. My introverted nature, which thrived during the pandemic, has become a source of discomfort as I now face social situations with trepidation.
The overwhelming influx of fear-inducing information during the pandemic, particularly while welcoming my fourth child, has further heightened my anxiety. I find myself in a persistent state of worry, where my baseline for calm has shifted to one of stress and unease.
Is this a typical response to parenting during a global crisis? Perhaps. With restrictions lifting, I feel burnt out and overwhelmed. But I’m committed to moving forward, allowing myself the time to heal. After all, I’ve endured a significant life experience, and it’s going to take more than a short period to process its impact.
I plan to continue working with my supportive therapist, adjusting my medication, and engaging in regular physical activity. I’ll embrace moments with my children and push through anxiety by leaning into logic. Connecting with friends who share similar feelings will also be part of my journey. In time, I hope things begin to feel lighter.
If you’re navigating similar feelings, you’re not alone. Engaging with supportive resources can be beneficial; for more insights, check out this post on home insemination or explore the authority on the subject at Make A Mom. Additionally, March of Dimes offers excellent information on pregnancy and fertility treatments.
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In summary, the pandemic has reshaped my relationship with anxiety, leaving me feeling raw even as the world begins to heal. Acknowledging these feelings and seeking support is essential for moving forward.