Navigating the Challenge of Drifting Friendships

Understanding the Shift

Friendships can fade or end, especially during significant life changes like becoming a parent. Here’s how to handle the emotional toll of losing a friend.

Recently, social connection expert Laura J. Bennett, author of the upcoming book Friendship Fundamentals: Building Bonds in a Busy World, revealed to me a compelling insight: “Friendships usually fall apart not due to major conflicts, but simply because one person stops reaching out.” For parents, this realization can hit hard. Think about all those friends you used to enjoy concerts, parties, and brunch with before parenting took over your priorities—like deciding which juice box brand to buy for the school Easter party. Once you welcomed a baby into your life, the time available for those carefree friendships—especially with non-parent friends—shrank rapidly. You know the routine: texts become less frequent, plans get indefinitely postponed, and soon, the only updates you receive about their lives come from Instagram.

Life often intervenes without a specific reason. Research indicates that over a span of seven years, nearly 70% of our close friendships can dissolve, with 52% of our social connections drifting away. Women, in particular, may feel the sting of friendship loss deeply; studies show that negative interactions with friends can elevate stress levels in women, while men do not experience the same physiological response.

Understanding that some friendships might naturally fade is essential, especially when kids are involved. Here’s how to cope with the loss.

1. Avoid Blame and Don’t Take It Personally

Friendships can wane for countless reasons. A significant factor was the recent global pandemic, where 43% of women aged 18 to 29 reported losing touch with friends, along with 40% of women in their 30s. Even a change in circumstances can lead to friendships fading; for instance, 69% of women say they typically see friends only in specific settings, like work or local parks, and if those circumstances change, so might the friendships.

Instead of viewing your friend as someone who has ghosted you or thinking of yourself as unworthy, consider how little control we have over our busy lives, especially as parents. Our time and energy are often dictated by our children’s needs—whether they had a good night’s sleep or are home sick.

2. Find Contentment in What You Have

The saying about friends being in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime may sound cliché, but it holds truth. To avoid heartache, try not to impose unspoken expectations on your friendships before determining which category they belong to. Instead of thinking, “Why does she respond with short replies?” consider, “She may not be into texting right now.” Embrace a mindset of acceptance; it’s better to choose the option that doesn’t drive you mad.

3. Appreciate Social Media

While it may feel strange, maintaining a connection through social media can be reassuring. It’s a modern way to keep up with friends, even if it’s not the same as sharing a coffee or a road trip. If your friend posts regularly, you’ll still have a glimpse into her life, something previous generations lacked.

4. Be Considerate of Mutual Friends

If your friendship starts to fade, avoid putting shared friends in awkward situations. This means steering clear of asking mutual friends if they’ve heard from your friend or complaining about her absence. Such behavior can shift the narrative from “life happens” to “what a jerk,” which isn’t fair to anyone involved.

5. Remain Open to Future Connections

Life is unpredictable, and you never know when someone might re-enter your life. For example, I had a friend from high school with whom I lost touch, but years later, we reconnected through Facebook and rekindled our friendship. Similarly, I had another friend I lost contact with after graduation, but a simple Instagram message led us to chat again. These experiences remind us that friendships can easily reignite, even after a long silence.

Ultimately, as long as a friendship ended amicably, the respect and fondness you shared still exist. You might be able to pick up right where you left off, whether over a casual message or a beach hangout. Friendship doesn’t always depend on frequency; it’s about the connection that remains.

If you’re interested in exploring more about friendships, parenting, and personal connections, you can check out this blog post on home insemination, which also touches on relationship dynamics.

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In summary, navigating the emotional landscape of fading friendships is a challenge many face, particularly as life changes. By understanding the dynamics at play, accepting the current situation, and remaining open to the possibility of reconnecting, you can weather the ups and downs of friendship.