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Don’t let your child become that guy.
By Jamie Carter
There are few things more frustrating than a mansplainer—whether it’s a well-meaning partner who tries to explain something he believes he knows better, a coworker who talks over women, or a stranger indulging in a classic ego trip. Despite the term “mansplaining” likely being coined around 2008, the behavior of a man inserting his opinion where it isn’t needed has always been around. It’s only recently that society has begun to recognize the effects of mansplaining on females of all ages. So, what should you do as a parent if you notice your young son—sweet and kind-hearted as he may be—starting to exhibit this behavior?
Before you envision your dear boy as that guy in a corporate meeting in two decades, take a deep breath. Going through a “know-it-all” phase is actually common for children of all genders. As two child psychologists explain, this phase tends to pass, and there are many opportunities for you to teach your son how to communicate assertively as he matures—without him turning into every woman’s nightmare.
Understanding Overconfidence in Children
“It’s typical for kids—especially those aged 4 to 8—to be overly confident in their knowledge and abilities,” shares Lisa Green, Ph.D., a research fellow at the University of California. “Their brains are still developing, so they might struggle to remember how they learned something. Studies have shown this ‘overconfidence’ in children as young as preschool, but they typically grow out of it.”
“Interrupting others and the desire to be right is common among kids of all genders, and it is usually just a phase,” Green adds. “While young children may not intentionally ‘mansplain,’ boys do learn communication patterns and gender norms from parents, teachers, and peers early on.”
Identifying the Difference Between Sharing and Mansplaining
So how can you guide your son’s natural curiosity without it becoming intrusive or inappropriate? Fortunately, there are many strategies to encourage his expression while curbing unwanted behavior. First, “it’s essential to distinguish between your child’s authentic excitement about learning something new (a ‘Did you know?’ moment) and his desire to compete or dominate a conversation (a ‘Well, actually…’ moment).”
“It’s normal for children to be eager to share what they’ve learned,” notes Kelly Morgan, Psy.D., a child psychologist in San Francisco. “They often share their knowledge in a rushed manner due to their cognitive development stage and immature executive functions (the ability to manage impulses and consider the impact of their actions). These moments are perfect opportunities for parents to model and teach cooperative and thoughtful ways of expressing excitement.”
“Encouraging genuine excitement can involve sharing in your son’s enthusiasm, adding your own insights respectfully, and nurturing his curiosity further (‘Wow, that’s fascinating! I wonder if…’),” Green suggests. “However, during those ‘well, actually’ moments, don’t reinforce the behavior with attention or escalate it with your own counterarguments. Instead, turn the situation into a learning opportunity: ‘Hmm, I’m not sure about that, but it seems important to you. Would you like to explore it together?’”
Promoting Positive Communication
Morgan recommends that parents “acknowledge your child’s excitement in sharing knowledge and highlight that it’s a good thing. Remind them that the person they’re speaking with may also have valuable information to share. Listening to others can lead to even more learning.”
In practice, this could involve reinforcing turn-taking during conversations, whether waiting in line or at the dinner table. “You might even create a fun ‘taking turns’ game where waiting to listen is rewarded. At home, you can practice imagining how others feel in various conversational styles in a playful manner,” Morgan adds.
Keeping the atmosphere positive is crucial to prevent your son from developing negative feelings about his communication style. Morgan suggests avoiding the term mansplaining altogether, as it reinforces a negative gender stereotype. “It’s better to use non-gendered, age-appropriate language when discussing child behavior. Descriptions like excited explaining or difficulty taking turns are more constructive. Using pejorative terms like mansplaining can lead to feelings of shame or a negative self-image, which parents typically want to avoid. The goal is to reinforce positive behaviors while teaching adaptive strategies.”
Green adds, “Boys often receive messages that vulnerability is unacceptable. Not knowing the answer, feeling uncertain, asking questions, and being wrong are forms of vulnerability we all need to embrace to learn and grow. Let your son know it’s perfectly fine for him (and you) to not always have the answers, and that there’s joy in curiosity and learning from others, regardless of gender.”
Recognizing When It Becomes Mansplaining
“If a pattern of interrupting others and needing to prove oneself continues into adolescence or seems to target specific genders, it’s crucial to have an age-appropriate conversation about sexism—what it is and how it affects everyone,” Green states.
This means modeling the kind of communication you want your son to adopt. Kids are like sponges and will imitate behaviors they observe. Establish guidelines about interrupting others, practice active listening, and allow everyone to participate in conversations.
If you notice your son’s behavior has a gendered component (like talking over girls specifically), it’s essential to highlight this pattern and emphasize the value of women and girls in his life (through literature and media). Additionally, exposing your son to respectful male role models and strong, knowledgeable women can make a difference—characters like Wonder Woman provide excellent examples.
“Encourage asking questions,” Green suggests. “The ability to inquire, show curiosity, and genuinely listen to others’ perspectives is invaluable for boys as they learn to appreciate what they know and what they can learn from others.”
For more insights on parenting and communication, check out our other blog post.
Summary
Raising sons who don’t engage in mansplaining involves understanding the natural developmental phases of childhood, recognizing the difference between sharing excitement and dominating conversations, and promoting positive communication habits. By modeling respectful behavior and encouraging listening and curiosity, parents can help their sons grow into considerate communicators.