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At first, I thought it would be best to keep my four young sons away from my mother’s recovery process after her surgery. But soon, I recognized that this impulse was misguided.
As I was preparing to move my home office to make space for my 65-year-old mom, my boys, all under seven, were full of questions: “Why is there a bed in your office?” “What’s this strange toy?” (referring to her walker), and “How long will Grandma be having sleepovers with us?” I responded with a phrase commonly used by Peppa Pig’s dad: “It will take as lonnnng as it takes.” Meanwhile, I was overwhelmed, trying to figure out how to manage both my mom’s needs and my children’s demands, especially since she had often helped with childcare.
When I saw her in the hospital post-surgery, I was anxious about how my kids would react to witnessing their usually vibrant grandmother in such a vulnerable state—struggling to move and even requiring assistance in the bathroom. My first thought was to shield them from this reality, worried they would be alarmed at seeing her differently from the fun-loving grandma who treats them to dollar store prizes and lunches. So, when she returned home and was dealing with pain and medication, I ushered the kids out of her room.
However, toddlers have a knack for getting where they want to be, regardless of what you say. While I was making dinner, I heard voices coming from her room. My 3-year-old had barged in, woken her up, climbed onto her lap, and was reading her a story—one she usually read to him. It was a bittersweet scene, with the roles reversed in just a few days. My son had become a caregiver in his own right, offering cuddles and comfort, which are essential for anyone in recovery. I almost prohibited the very interactions that could alleviate loneliness, something many seniors face.
From that moment, I realized this was an opportunity for both my kids and my mom, not something to be hidden. I began to explore the benefits of involving my children fully in her recovery. I reached out to experts, including Sara Jennings, a family care specialist, who shared insights from her experience caring for her own kids and elderly relatives. She noted that children’s natural warmth and energy can uplift seniors, encouraging them to stay active and engaged.
When my mom needed assistance, I paused to let my kids step in. One of my sons would clear toys from her path while another would hold onto her walker so it wouldn’t slip. They waited outside the bathroom door, escorted her back to bed, and my 3-year-old beamed with pride after “handling it.” According to the Center for Aging Research and Education, my children were benefiting from this intergenerational experience, learning empathy and emotional management.
My mother’s situation unexpectedly transformed my little ones into compassionate caregivers. Throughout the week, they learned to set aside their needs to assist her. My 7-year-old stopped asking to play with friends, instead making snack plates and sharing his baseball gear. My 5-year-old sat beside her, narrating his drawings, helping keep her mind active. Even the baby was content just resting on her lap. Their usual demands faded, replaced by a focus on caring for someone who had always cared for them.
As Jennings stated, “By caring for others, kids learn how their actions impact lives beyond their own.”
Alexandra Frost is a freelance writer based in Cincinnati, focusing on health, parenting, and lifestyle. With four energetic boys under seven, her life is a constant adventure.
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Summary:
Involving children in the caregiving process can foster empathy, responsibility, and connection within families. As they assist loved ones, children learn valuable life lessons about compassion and the importance of community support.