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Book clubs, girls’ trips, bachelorette parties, and mommy meetups — the thought of these events sends a wave of anxiety rushing through me. I do my best to dodge them, and when I can’t, participating feels like an uphill battle. Whether it’s my anxiety, introverted tendencies, or just a general aversion to group dynamics, these social situations leave my nerves on edge. The anticipation is stressful, the events are uncomfortable, and the aftermath is utterly draining. So if you’re considering me for your next ladies’ night, please just don’t reserve a spot for me.
Before you label me as standoffish, let me explain. I cherish being a woman and believe in the power of female solidarity. I genuinely enjoy intimate conversations, walks, and dinners with my mom and close female friends. It’s the group stuff that I really can’t stand. In larger settings, I often feel compelled to adopt an exaggerated, over-the-top persona in a bid to fit in. It’s a version of myself that’s unrecognizable in the moment but leaves me feeling uncomfortable and out of place afterward.
I’ve always leaned toward quality over quantity in my relationships, preferring deep connections with a select few rather than mingling in a crowd. Even my closest friends don’t really know each other. There’s no crew, no #girlgang; just me and my individual favorites, and that dynamic works for me.
Yet, I sometimes find myself wishing I could embrace the group vibe. I scroll through my Instagram feed and see women enjoying adorable, fun activities together. Occasionally, I think, “That looks enjoyable! I should give it a shot!” But when I do, it never quite resonates with me. No matter how perfect the situation or how much I adore the women individually, group settings just aren’t my scene.
I suspect this stems from the nature of group interactions. Personalities tend to be amplified, and everyone, myself included, seems to vie for attention or a specific role. While my rational mind advises me to relax and engage naturally, my anxious brain takes over, pushing me to deliver loud, sarcastic jokes for far too long. It’s exhausting.
Even in casual gatherings, like a bunch of moms randomly meeting at the park, conversations often turn competitive, with each mom vying to impress with anecdotes or one-up stories. I can’t fathom why this doesn’t cause anxiety for others — maybe I’m just overly aware of my surroundings, or perhaps other women can tune out the noise. I wish I could!
So here I am, navigating motherhood in a world brimming with gatherings I have no interest in attending. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. I’ll continue to nurture my one-on-one relationships and leave the group activities to those who thrive in them. I’m learning to embrace the fact that I don’t have to enjoy the same things as the women on my newsfeed. Instead, I take pride in knowing myself well enough at this stage of life to only engage in activities that bring me warmth and comfort. Who knows, maybe one day my perspective will shift, but for now, I’m content.
Jenna Hayes is a former lawyer and mother of four who loves to express herself. She resides in Beverly, Massachusetts.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the author’s struggles with group gatherings, expressing a preference for one-on-one relationships over socializing in larger groups. Despite recognizing the importance of female empowerment, the author finds comfort in avoiding typical group activities and instead focuses on nurturing meaningful connections with a select few individuals.