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Life Skills for Teens to Master Before Leaving Home
They may know how to microwave a frozen pizza, but do they understand the importance of never using liquid dish soap in a dishwasher?
By Jamie L. Carter
Updated: Feb. 20, 2024
Originally Published: July 7, 2022
The day I dropped off my oldest at college—or rather, their first apartment due to dorm closures in 2020—was filled with a whirlwind of emotions. Among the sentimental feelings, a wave of practicality hit me: Have I equipped you with the necessary skills to navigate adult life? Does my 18-year-old know how to manage living independently without ruining this rental space or living in chaos?
Throughout the journey of parenting, I found myself more focused on the day-to-day hustle rather than preparing my children for adulthood, which seemed distant. We tackled elementary school, extracurricular activities, SAT prep, college applications, and even managed to turn in yearbook payments. Each day was about meeting deadlines and staying organized. In hindsight, I realize I overlooked imparting essential life skills. For example, while I did remind them to have a friend hold onto a spare set of keys, they brushed it off—resulting in a costly locksmith visit later.
Fundamental Skills Every Young Adult Should Know
Catherine Newman’s book, How to Be a Person, covers a multitude of practical skills for young adults, from being a considerate guest to managing finances. Although it targets middle school students, many parents find it useful for high school and college kids as well. One chapter I wish I had shared with my firstborn? How to plunge a toilet! After writing the book, Newman realized there were many essential skills her children lacked. For instance, they had never learned how to schedule a doctor’s appointment since she managed all health-related matters. While some skills may not seem teachable to a seventh grader, it highlights the unseen parenting tasks that kids often miss out on, even after leaving home.
In a conversation with Newman—not primarily for an interview, but to strategize for my second child—we identified a few strategies to bridge these knowledge gaps.
1. Share Your Parenting Process
Remember how you constantly talked to your baby, narrating every little thing? “Mommy is looking for your bananas. I found your bananas! Want me to cut a banana?” This approach helped them understand their surroundings and language. While it might be odd to narrate your chores to an eighth-grader, Newman suggests verbalizing your tasks to give kids insight into adult responsibilities. For instance, saying, “I’m logging in to schedule your doctor’s appointment, which needs a username and password,” can help them comprehend these processes. By openly sharing your adult challenges, you model problem-solving skills and normalize everyday issues instead of keeping them hidden.
2. Redefine Chores and Encourage Initiative
Newman notes that while her kids had assigned chores, the family dynamic revolved around mutual support. The philosophy of “we’re all in this together” encourages children to assist whenever needed—whether it’s sweeping the kitchen or taking out the trash. This mindset fosters cooperation, making them better roommates and partners in the future. Teaching kids to ask, “What can I do to help?” is vital. It instills a sense of initiative that enhances their lives and interactions with others.
3. Allow Room for Mistakes
During a family gathering last summer, my nephew, freshly graduated from college, ran the dishwasher using liquid dish soap instead of dishwasher detergent, resulting in a bubbly disaster. Mistakes can be the best teachers, as Newman highlights. Allowing young adults to make errors while trying out chores is crucial to their learning. While they may not ruin entire loads of laundry like in the past, they will face challenges that help them grow—whether mastering cooking or dealing with scheduling conflicts.
4. Embrace the Reality That You Can’t Teach Everything
It’s unrealistic to expect to cover every single skill. While kids today might learn coding, many high schools have dropped driver’s ed. You’ll impart as much knowledge as possible, but they will also learn through their experiences. For instance, when my child locked themselves out of their apartment, I guided them through the locksmith process, and we eventually laughed about it. Such moments are valuable learning experiences.
This article was originally published on July 7, 2022.
Summary
Preparing teens for adulthood involves teaching them essential life skills, from basic chores to problem-solving. Sharing your tasks openly, encouraging initiative, allowing them to make mistakes, and accepting that you can’t teach everything are crucial approaches. By fostering a supportive environment, parents can equip their children with the tools they need to thrive independently.