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All I heard was how crucial breastfeeding was for the baby. But what about the mother?
I never truly made a deliberate choice about breastfeeding my daughter; I was simply indifferent. While I wasn’t against it, I didn’t feel strongly passionate about it either. It was an expectation throughout my pregnancy that my baby would be breastfed. In every prenatal appointment, the conversation revolved around breastfeeding as a given, not an option.
I was aware that issues like supply problems or latching difficulties could arise, yet I prepared thoroughly. I attended a breastfeeding class, practiced various holds with dolls, and researched breast pumps. My initial plan was to breastfeed for three months and then reevaluate. I recognized the benefits of breastmilk, but I also wanted to give myself permission to stop if necessary. After all, I told myself, three months is manageable, even if it’s challenging; at least my baby would gain those three months of what I was constantly told was “liquid gold.”
When my daughter was born, she latched on effortlessly, and my milk production was abundant, which allowed her to thrive. However, I absolutely detested the experience. Each letdown was painful, feeling like I was subjecting my already-sensitive nipples to a pencil sharpener. I sought weekly help from a lactation consultant, but despite our efforts, the pain persisted. Plus, she fed frequently—sometimes as often as every 90 minutes—and refused to take a bottle. It was an exhausting cycle: all me, all the time.
I began to dread our breastfeeding sessions. Instead of enjoying a bonding experience, I felt tense and anxious whenever I held her. My discomfort made me question how this could be beneficial for either of us.
One day, I broke down and told my partner I wanted to stop. He offered to buy formula, but we realized we were clueless about it—the different brands, feeding amounts, and schedules. Our preparation had solely focused on breastfeeding.
At our daughter’s next pediatric appointment, we brought up switching to formula. Unfortunately, that was the day she was diagnosed with acid reflux, and we were strongly encouraged to continue breastfeeding. A wave of guilt washed over me for even considering a change.
Little did I know that I was also battling postpartum depression. Continuing to breastfeed only exacerbated my struggles. I was in pain, sleep-deprived, and utterly miserable. I wished I could have stopped. But no one ever suggested it was an option; I was simply told to keep going. All I heard was the emphasis on what was good for the baby, but no one acknowledged how it affected me.
Eventually, breastfeeding became more manageable, almost second nature. While I adapted, I often thought about how my mental health might have improved had I decided to stop.
Looking back, I’m grateful for the experience, but I also recognize that formula feeding could have been just as valid. In hindsight, I see breastfeeding as an important factor that can significantly impact a mother’s mental health, an aspect often overlooked. We understand the benefits of breastmilk for babies, but it’s time we also consider how it affects mothers.
I wish more people had voiced that it was okay to change my plans if breastfeeding wasn’t working for me. A baby needs a happy mom more than it needs the advantages of breastmilk. Sometimes, a mother’s mental health and breastfeeding simply don’t align.
It’s time to reshape the narrative. You don’t have to breastfeed. If you can and want to, that’s great, but it’s also perfectly acceptable if you choose not to.
While I advocate for the support and resources mothers need and believe we should eliminate the shame surrounding breastfeeding, it’s equally important to recognize when to stop. There are no awards for “the mom who breastfed the longest despite hating it.”
Breastfeeding is beneficial, but so is formula feeding. Ultimately, being fed by a mentally healthy and happy mother is paramount.
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In summary, while breastfeeding has its benefits, it can take a toll on a mother’s mental health. It’s crucial to recognize that a happy, healthy mother is just as important as providing the nutritional benefits of breastmilk.