When We Push Children to Be Winners, Everyone Suffers

Introduction

Childhood is often riddled with challenges and awkward moments: from unflattering haircuts to strict bedtimes and a persistent reliance on adults for basic needs. While some argue that these experiences are essential for a child’s growth and safety, there are traditions we impose on children that are not only unfair but also detrimental to their development, such as the uninspiring card game of War.

The Flaws of War

War is a game where players split a deck of cards and flip them over, with the higher card winning. The objective is straightforward: one player eventually collects all the cards, and the game can stretch for hours without any real engagement or strategy involved. Unlike games that promote skill and thought, such as Go Fish or Uno, War offers no real lessons. Children learn that the essence of winning is not about intelligence or tactics but simply about being the last one standing. This misguided notion can lead to an unhealthy mindset about competition.

The Consequences of Competition

The real danger of games like War lies in their messaging: that winning is the ultimate goal. This can foster a sense of pride in achievements that are not earned through merit. The only reward for winning War is a hollow sense of bragging rights, leaving participants with a skewed understanding of success. As Winston Churchill remarked, “History is written by the victors,” emphasizing that the victor’s name often overshadows the opponent’s contributions.

Lessons Beyond Winning

As someone who once navigated childhood without the burden of parenting, I empathize with the pressures children face today. I recently learned from my friend Sarah that her pre-teen daughter struggles with anxiety before participating in the President’s Challenge, a fitness test that evaluates children’s physical abilities. The problem with such assessments lies not in their purpose of promoting fitness but in their role in establishing a hierarchy based on performance. Fast runners earn medals and admiration, while slower participants may feel marginalized.

Fostering a Positive Experience

It is crucial that we do not shelter children from the realities of losing, nor should we hand out trophies for mere participation. However, we must also recognize that the stigma of losing can linger well into adulthood, affecting how individuals view physical activity. A singular focus on winning can lead to a competitive environment that prioritizes status over personal growth.

Instead of fostering a win-at-all-costs mentality, we should promote the intrinsic joys of physical activity. Engaging in sports should be about movement, enjoyment, and collaboration, which can lead to healthier habits in adulthood. While I do not wish to disparage gym teachers, there are more valuable lessons children can learn from physical education than simply “winning is everything.”

A New Approach to Games

May I suggest steering clear of games like War and introducing more complex games that encourage discussion and strategy, such as bridge? These games can provide an opportunity for meaningful interaction, focusing on skill development and the importance of the process rather than just the outcome.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the goal should be to prepare children for a life filled with resilience and a healthy outlook on competition. By shifting our focus from winning to the journey of growth, we can cultivate a generation that values effort and collaboration. For more insights into parenting and fertility, consider exploring resources like Women’s Health and Make A Mom. You can also check out one of our other blog posts here for additional information.

Summary

In conclusion, while competition can provide valuable lessons, an excessive emphasis on winning can harm children’s development. Games like War exemplify this flawed approach, teaching children that victory is paramount, often at the expense of personal growth and enjoyment. Encouraging children to appreciate the process of learning and engaging in activities without the burden of competition can foster healthier attitudes towards fitness and camaraderie.