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Exploring Two Versions of Perfection in Parenting
At 3:30 AM, sleep eludes me. I find myself half-awake, leaning over a crib while my six-month-old clings to my finger with an unyielding grip. I am reluctant to break free, as his peaceful slumber is a welcome respite. I recall my own mother saying that one day, I would experience a similar challenge, and I now see her words ring true. My first child was a dream to put to bed, but with my second, reality has come crashing in. In the stillness of the night, my thoughts wander, reflecting on my own childhood.
As a young girl, I was no stranger to anxiety, which often manifested in bedwetting. The fear of waking up drenched in shame kept me awake, leading to the dreaded trek to my parents’ room for help. I can vividly picture my parents stirring from sleep, trying to discern who would get up to assist me. Just as I thought I had my anxiety under control, my parents’ separation introduced a new wave of emotional turmoil.
In my youth, I was exceptionally shy and sensitive, traits that lingered through my marriage and beyond. My true self felt muted, as though I was unable to express who I really was. Then, I became a mother, and I found myself grappling with insecurities. The conflicting emotions of wanting to succeed as a parent and fearing that I was failing were overwhelming. I often think about how my past experiences shaped my present, wishing I could share my insights with my younger self. This reflection leads me to wonder about the challenges my children may face as they grow.
While I wish for my boys to become strong and confident individuals, I know that life’s struggles are universal. Every person I’ve met who appears to have it all together has their own story of overcoming adversity. This realization fills me with some trepidation for my children. In the next room, my son is trying out underwear for the first time, a small but significant step. Ironically, during my own childhood struggles, I didn’t recognize them as such—I was simply living my life.
Challenges are part of growth, and just as I continue to navigate my own journey, my children are on theirs, even if they don’t realize it. Growth often comes through experience. Much like tending to a garden, we learn and adapt with each attempt. As I ponder these thoughts, I feel compelled to document them for my sons, providing a lasting testament to my reflections.
To my boys: I don’t regret my mistakes. I will only regret it if you fail to see that these little imperfections are what contribute to your unique greatness. As Lauren King wisely stated, “There are two kinds of perfect: the one you can never achieve, and the other, simply by being yourself.”
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In summary, parenting is a journey fraught with challenges and opportunities for growth. As parents reflect on their past, they can better understand their children’s experiences. Embracing imperfections is a crucial step toward fostering resilience and authenticity in ourselves and in future generations.