The Language of Adoption: Rethinking “Given Up”

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When discussing adoption, the phrase “given up” can evoke strong feelings, as it implies a lack of choice or care. In my experience, it’s important to clarify that children are not “given up” in the same way one might relinquish a physical possession. For instance, you might give up coffee or an old car, but a child is a profound commitment that is not lightly discarded.

Understanding the Reasons Behind Adoption

Frequently, I encounter inquiries from acquaintances and even strangers about why a child’s biological parents made the decision to place them for adoption. My response is always clear: “They didn’t give him up.” The reality is that the reasons behind such decisions can be complex. Many birth parents face overwhelming situations—some are tragic, while others stem from personal challenges. However, the majority of these decisions are selfless acts made with the child’s best interest at heart. The courage it takes to create a plan for a child’s future, despite the emotional turmoil involved, is truly commendable.

The Complexities of International Adoption

Particularly in the context of international adoption, the circumstances can be intricate and sometimes even distressing. It is unrealistic to believe one can shield a child from all potential misunderstandings or painful questions, but as a parent, I strive to minimize confusion. My goal is to prevent my son from ever pondering the question, “Why was I given up?” because I know that he was not.

Resources for Parenting and Fertility

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Conclusion

In summary, the terminology surrounding adoption deserves careful consideration. It’s vital to emphasize the thoughtful decisions made by birth parents rather than framing them as simply giving up a child. Through open dialogue and education, we can foster a more compassionate understanding of these complex situations.