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The Baby Isn’t His: A Surrogacy Journey
“Oh my goodness, you’re expecting?!”
As I settled into my chair at the Deployed Spouses Dinner, I braced myself for the familiar conversation. I had planned to enjoy a warm meal and let my energetic two-year-old bounce around until he was ready to sleep on the way home. My husband had left for deployment just two weeks prior, and I thought this gathering would provide a much-needed escape from the demands of my full-time job and the long commute to pick up my son from daycare. Unfortunately, dinner had become a series of frozen or boxed meals lately. Was it too much to ask for a peaceful dinner?
“Yes, I’m pregnant—16 weeks along, to be precise,” I replied to her enthusiastic inquiry.
“Oh really? I’m 20 weeks! Do you know the gender yet?”
“I’m having a boy; we found out just last Saturday.”
She quickly realized that our husbands had both left on the same day, so mine hadn’t been present for the ultrasound.
“Oh no, your husband missed the gender reveal?”
I reassured her, explaining that he had been able to join the appointment via Skype for part of the hour-long session.
“What’s your due date?” she asked next.
“April 6, which is also my birthday, so we might share the day,” I said with a smile.
“Oh no! Your husband will miss the birth!”
“Actually, it’s not his child, so it’s okay…”
Her expression shifted from surprise to shock, and I could see her searching for the right words. After a brief pause, I filled the silence.
“But it’s fine; he knows it’s not his child!”
This time, her disgust was palpable. I felt it was time to clarify. “I’m a surrogate,” I explained. “My cousin lost her ability to carry children after her uterus ruptured during her first pregnancy, resulting in the loss of her baby and her uterus. The only way for her and her husband to have children was through surrogacy. That’s where I come in.”
My husband had been completely supportive of my decision to carry a child for another couple, even if it meant I was pregnant by another man and woman. He was in the next room when the insemination took place and understood long before we started the process that he wouldn’t be present for the birth. Did this alter our relationship? Not at all. In fact, it made for interesting conversations with new acquaintances.
Pregnancy often invites curiosity about due dates, genders, and intimate details of the experience. When people learn that my husband is deployed, they express sympathy, thinking I’m navigating this journey alone. They never expect to hear, “The baby isn’t his… and that’s okay.”
But that’s a misconception.
Being a surrogate has been an incredible experience; it has truly changed my life. For those interested in learning more about at-home insemination techniques, you can explore information on home insemination kits. Also, for those facing fertility challenges, this resource offers valuable insights and support. If you’re curious about other fertility methods, check out this informative post.
In summary, my journey as a surrogate is one filled with understanding and support from my husband, and it has opened my eyes to the incredible possibilities of family creation.