The ‘Before Children’ Perspective on Parenting

home insemination Kit

By: Jenna Miller
Updated: Feb. 7, 2016
Originally Published: Jan. 8, 2011

Scene: Our Dinner Table

Daughter: “How do you KNOW that you should marry someone?”
Son: “When you meet the right person, a spark happens. You have to nurture that spark until it turns into a flame, and then it becomes a bonfire throughout your marriage. And wick size is crucial! A small wick means the spark fizzles out. Daddy’s wick is really big and keeps Mommy happy.”
He’s only ten, right?

Jokes about wick sizes aside, this conversation unfolded after we shared how we got engaged. The kids were captivated by the story of how my partner, Mark, bought my ring and orchestrated the proposal. It struck me that they perceive “us” differently than I do. Their understanding of who we are is limited to the present day—me as the mom constantly driving them around and Mark as the provider for those activities. They have no concept of our lives “B.C.” (Before Children).

My son’s recent question about whether a Beach Boys song was something I listened to in college made it clear that they don’t know me at all. There’s so much about our “B.C. us” that remains a mystery to them.

For instance, during our first date in 1995, as we stood by the ocean, I felt an undeniable spark. In that moment, looking into his striking blue eyes, I recognized that my tumultuous relationship history had led me to the man I would spend my life with. They also don’t know that Mark took me out for my 21st birthday to celebrate “appropriately” because my friends couldn’t join due to, let’s say, legal constraints. The fact that he often had to coax me away from the bar is a story best kept between us. And let’s not even discuss the housewarming party I threw in our first apartment…

They were not there to witness my walk down the aisle, where Mark was so emotional that he could barely say, “You’re beautiful.” They would find it amusing to learn that we couldn’t stop giggling during the “for richer or poorer” part of our vows, given that we had only $23 in savings on our wedding day. Our wedding gifts were indeed a blessing.

They’re unaware of the countless hours we spent together sanding, painting, and renovating our first house, which we purchased with every penny we saved from our wedding. I can use a pneumatic nail gun with ease, and my spackling skills are quite impressive.

They also missed the moment of joy and disbelief when we saw two pink lines on that little stick, which marked the end of just “us” and the beginning of a busy “we.” Our family dynamic has transformed into a whirlwind of activities, responsibilities, and delightful chaos.

There are so many memories from our B.C. life—three trips to Disney World, two-door cars without a single French fry on the floor, and friends we used to see every Friday night. These details shape who we were before becoming parents and are experiences our children will never fully grasp.

In this contemporary parenting landscape, our children often define us. We become wrapped up in their activities, achievements, and lives, making it easy to forget the vibrant individuals we were before they arrived. It’s all too easy to overlook that we were here first, to forget the wild nights out or spontaneous road trips taken with friends.

While I don’t expect my children to know every single detail of my B.C. life—and frankly, some stories should remain untold—I make an effort to share snippets with them. These tales help them understand who I am and how I evolved into the person I am today.

Amid the hectic days of parenting, when it feels like every day blurs into the next, gazing into those same blue eyes across our dinner table reminds me of the woman I once was and still am at heart.

If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, consider checking out this excellent resource which offers valuable insights. And for those looking for high-quality products, visit Make A Mom, an authority on this subject. For further information, feel free to explore our contact page.

Summary

Reflecting on the life before children reveals a rich tapestry of experiences and stories that shape our identities as parents. Understanding the “B.C. us” provides important context for our children, offering them a glimpse into the lives we led before they entered the picture. By sharing these memories, we help bridge the gap between past and present, reminding ourselves and our children of who we are at the core.