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The Exhaustion of Parenting
Parenting can be an incredibly draining experience. The fatigue is palpable, often leading to moments of sheer absurdity. For instance, last night, I somehow managed to sleep in various locations: in my king-sized bed, on a top bunk, in a twin-sized bottom bunk, and even on the floor next to the crib, using a Boppy as a pillow between the hours of 10 PM and 6:30 AM. This level of tiredness leaves me leaving physical marks on the hardwood floor from pacing at night. Perhaps I should invest in a pedometer, as it seems I’m burning more calories after dark than during the day due to constant walking and breastfeeding.
The fatigue affects my entire household, including our dog, who has stopped sleeping in my bedroom because he needs his rest. In my state of exhaustion, I’ve mixed orange juice into my coffee and even squeezed tinted moisturizer onto my toothbrush. On one occasion, I put my pants on inside out and only realized it during a Pure Barre class when fellow participants gave me puzzled looks.
My tiredness has reached the point where I’ve searched the freezer for my keys, having found them there before while unloading groceries. I once put my home phone in my purse while driving my kids to school, and I frequently hang up from making appointments only to forget the details immediately, too embarrassed to call back.
My five-year-old recently completed a Mother’s Day project at school, listing my favorite thing as sleep and my favorite drink as coffee, which speaks volumes about my current state. I can’t remember the last time I had a full night’s sleep without interruptions, and it’s certainly been over two years. With a nine-month-old relying on me, I’ve searched for “baby sleep” online over a thousand times in the past nine months. Comments from anonymous parents claiming their child slept through the night at six weeks old infuriate me, as I grapple with sleepless nights and the challenges of parenting multiple young children.
I own more than a dozen sleep-related books, and once, I even thought I might have sideswiped a parked car while late for an appointment, distracted by three screaming children in the back. When I returned five minutes later to check, the car was gone. At the police station, the officer advised me to go home and take a nap, recognizing my state of exhaustion.
Discussing my minivan’s peculiar dimensions with the officer, I explained how it has led to numerous scrapes on both sides from my attempts to maneuver in and out of tight spots. My parking skills seem to have deteriorated since becoming a parent. Small talk has become nearly impossible; I often find myself saying the wrong thing, like when I mistakenly referred to my husband as my daughter’s shoe-obsessed spouse.
In the afternoons, I consume handfuls of chocolate chips or leftover Halloween candy to keep my energy levels up until bedtime, even though I don’t particularly like sweets. I accept that this exhaustion is largely self-inflicted; when you have three children under five, the likelihood of being woken up multiple times a night is significantly high.
This level of tiredness truly embodies the phrase “bone tired.” It’s a reminder of why sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture. I am at the point where I urgently need to implement sleep training for my baby.
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In summary, the journey of parenting is rife with exhaustion and challenges that often manifest in humorous moments of fatigue. Finding the balance between caring for children and maintaining one’s well-being is crucial, yet often elusive for many parents.