The 9 Stages of Dining in a Bar with Your Infant

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Dining out with an infant can be a rollercoaster of emotions and situations. Below are the nine stages that encapsulate the experience of enjoying dinner in a bar with your little one.

1. Desperation: It’s a chilly, dim Sunday afternoon, and you find yourself ravenous with an empty fridge at home. The local bar, infused with the sounds of gypsy jazz, offers a nostalgic atmosphere reminiscent of 1890s saloons. Their short menu features delicious hamburgers, albeit at $16 each, and they have a few high chairs available, suggesting they are somewhat accommodating to families. Plus, you can’t resist their cocktail named “Lozenge,” which tastes delightfully similar to grape soda.
2. Optimism: Upon entering, you notice a multitude of children around. Notably, actors Jamie and Ella are hosting a gathering in the back half of the bar. Other parents seem to be relishing their drinks while their kids are relatively calm—surely yours will behave just as well.
3. Dawning Horror: Your child is at a challenging 15 months of age—the peak of “Can I manage this child in a bar?” Pre-15 months, they are manageable blobs in car seats, and post-15 months, they can be distracted by their favorite shows. However, at this age, they are mobile yet stubborn, resembling a determined, squawking piglet.
4. Creeping Fatigue: This energetic piglet of yours is now attempting to scale your head to reach the wall sconce. In the process, they grab a candle, sending hot wax flying into your hair and onto the booth behind you. The occupants of that booth are politely tolerant, albeit strained, leading you to buy them a “Lozenge” cocktail as an apology, while you grab one for yourself too.
5. Embarrassment: Your older child, who was previously absorbed in a movie, suddenly announces, “Mommy, I’m a superhero.” You respond with interest, distractedly attempting to remove wax from your hair. When he asks if you want to know his superpower, he proudly declares, “It’s stinking.” The realization hits, and you bury your face in your drink, hoping no one else has caught on.
6. Self-Doubting Pity: You start questioning the wisdom of this outing. Why did you opt for dining here instead of takeout? At home, you possess the perfect equipment to secure your baby, including a high chair that resembles Hannibal Lecter’s mask.
7. Resignation: Now seated in his high chair, your baby starts reaching out to grab anything within arm’s reach. He successfully snagged a wallet attached to a chain, pulling the unsuspecting owner backward like a hooked fish. You decide to offer them a cocktail named “Dramamine,” while treating yourself to another one as well.
8. Lightheadedness: The experience takes a turn reminiscent of your early twenties, when you would stumble into a late-night falafel spot. When your meal arrives, you hurriedly tear into a hamburger to share with the kids, finishing your own in record time.
9. Desperation: Just when you think the chaos is over, the bill arrives. Your little one immediately grabs the check and tosses it into the next booth, mistaking it for trash. As you gather the kids, strollers, bags, and coats to head outside, you sense the relief emanating from the bartenders as you exit. It’s still early—just 4:45 PM. Perhaps it’s time to treat the family to some ice cream.

In conclusion, navigating a dining experience in a bar setting with an infant can be simultaneously rewarding and exasperating. Although the journey is filled with challenges, it ultimately offers unique moments of joy and humor along the way. For more tips on parenting and home insemination, be sure to check out resources like IVF Babble for additional insights.