Letting Your Baby Cry: A Personal Journey

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So, I’m just going to put it out there: I allowed my baby to cry. I’m not going to dress it up with fancy terms like “Sleep Training” or the technical “CIO.” I made the tough call to let my little one cry so she could learn to drift off to sleep on her own. Honestly, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done as a mom, but it was absolutely necessary.

It was a chilly December evening, and my husband was away on a work trip. My mom swooped in to help me, the sleep-deprived mama trying to care for her equally sleep-deprived baby. And this wasn’t just the typical new parent exhaustion—it was the dreaded 4-month sleep regression (seriously, I still have PTSD just thinking about it). I was in dire need of assistance.

My baby, Lily, just wouldn’t sleep. Each night, I spent an average of two hours trying to get her to settle down. She would doze off while nursing, and as soon as I placed her in her crib, she would wake up, leading to a frustrating cycle. Once I finally got her down, she woke up every hour or so. It was exhausting.

Both of us needed quality sleep, and we weren’t getting it. So I made the decision: I would teach Lily how to fall asleep independently. I likened it to taking her to get immunizations—she would cry (and so would I), but it was for her own good. It was time for her to learn without the training wheels.

On that first night, Lily cried for 25 minutes while my mom monitored the baby cam and I sobbed in the shower. I felt like the worst mom ever for leaving her to cry. My mom reassured me, saying, “We know she’s not hungry, and her diaper is clean. She’s safe.” But all I could think was how much she wanted me and how I felt like I was letting her down. My heart shattered.

Just when I thought I couldn’t handle it anymore, the crying stopped. Lily had fallen asleep. But instead of feeling relieved, I was consumed by guilt. I worried that I had damaged our bond in some way. That night was rough for me, but when morning came, I rushed to her crib, eager to scoop her up and apologize for the night before.

To my surprise, Lily was all smiles. How could she be so happy? I half-expected her to be upset with me, but she was just content and well-rested. As the nights went on, the crying became less frequent. Even though I still cried through the process and my mom kept an eye on the baby monitor, each morning brought a smiling Lily, which pushed me to keep going.

Yes, we still have our rough nights, and naps aren’t always perfect. But overall, she’s a much happier and better sleeper now. I didn’t arrive at this decision lightly; here are the five reasons I let my baby cry:

1. We desperately needed sleep. It sounds obvious, but as moms, we often prioritize our babies’ needs over our own, even when we’re running on empty. I realized that Lily needed good quality sleep just as much as I did, as she was often cranky and overtired.
2. Co-sleeping wasn’t working for us. I gave co-sleeping a go, thinking it might help. After an hour of rocking, nursing, and shushing, I thought lying down with her would work. It didn’t. Instead, I spent the night wide awake and anxious while Lily was too excited to sleep.
3. I missed my husband. Having a baby changes everything in a marriage, and when sleep deprivation kicks in, it can feel like you’re just roommates. I longed for the evenings of dinner and cuddles instead of the stress of getting our baby to sleep.
4. I needed time for myself. I adore spending time with Lily, but I also cherish my alone time. Those moments of peace after she fell asleep were golden, whether it was enjoying a glass of wine or indulging in a bubble bath. It’s essential to recharge.
5. It turned out to be the best option for us. I know this topic can be polarizing, with some moms understanding and others judging. But for us, letting Lily learn to sleep on her own was the right choice because she was ready for it.

As new moms, we receive a ton of advice about the “ideal” way to get our babies to sleep. Everyone seems to have an opinion. Ultimately, the best approach for us was tuning out the noise and listening to my instinct—and my little one.

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In summary, while letting your baby cry might feel daunting, it can be a transformative experience that leads to better sleep for both baby and mom. Trust your instincts, and do what feels right for you and your family.