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The Not-So-Fun Challenge of Butt Wiping
Let’s be real—I was definitely not in a rush to get my daughter potty trained. While my well-meaning mother-in-law was practically bouncing off the walls and every parenting blog I read was showcasing their little ones strutting around in underwear, I took a more relaxed (okay, lazy) approach. I’d casually toss out questions like, “Hey, do you want to stop pooping in your pants and use the potty?” After an excruciating pause, the answer was always a polite, “No thanks, Mama.” So we just kept going.
Eventually, I caved and decided to try a reward system. Every week, I’d toss a couple of bags of Skittles into the grocery cart. The plan was simple: one for a sit, two for a pee, and a small handful for a poop. To my surprise, she was on board and really working that tiny Princess Potty before her kindergarten orientation. I thought, “Hey, I’m not the worst mom out there!”
But here’s the kicker: a three-year-old simply can’t wipe her own bottom properly. Honestly, I’m almost 37, and sometimes (why does this always happen at Walmart?) I realize I’ve missed a spot after a quick wipe. Expecting my little one, who just graduated from diapers, to master the fine art of butt cleaning is like asking her to sew a button while I yell about the importance of accuracy.
It just wasn’t happening.
She also wasn’t a fan of toilet paper, which genuinely shocked me. I mean, isn’t it a universal truth that kids love to play with that fluffy roll? One time, when I asked her to grab some toilet paper and scrunch it up for the pre-wipe process, she carefully tore off a tiny square, formed it into a pea-sized ball, and then proceeded to wipe her backside. Spoiler alert: it didn’t end well, and I ended up gagging before bursting into laughter. What a conundrum!
I started reminiscing about the good ol’ days when I could just wipe down a tiny bottom and toss the diaper into the genie. Now, my responsibilities included:
- Keeping her company while she swings her legs, quizzing me about my day, and then pulling that “I need to poop” face.
- Leaning over the toilet to help her get clean.
- Flushing and then scrubbing the toilet because her poop suddenly seemed like it could challenge Andre the Giant in size and stickiness (and yes, I’m also to blame for her diet!).
- Setting up her footstool after she pinched her skin trying to reach the sink.
- Giving her some “privacy.”
- Sneaking back in to ensure she’s not getting into my stuff (because, you know, she’s four).
- Returning to adjust the water temperature.
- Peeking in again just to check on my belongings.
- Assisting her with soap, making sure she has the right amount in each hand because math is crucial when you’re three.
- Stopping what I’m doing to check on her after she’s been “washing her hands” for six minutes, only to find her grinning at me in the mirror while water cascades off the counter.
So, here’s the plan: next week, I’m putting her back in diapers. I’m calling this revolutionary parenting technique “Reverse Tiger Helicopter.” When I eventually write my book titled *Wipe Out!*, I’ll be rolling in the dough, and by the time she’s in school, she can hire her own butt wiper.
Dream big, right? That’s how all great ideas start!
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Summary
Potty training can be a hilarious challenge filled with unexpected surprises and messy realities. As we navigate the ups and downs of this journey, it’s important to find humor and grace in the chaos.