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You Might Be a Parent If…
You can effortlessly cook ground beef, whip up drinks, and chop veggies all while balancing a baby on your hip and a couple of toddlers throwing a fit on the floor because you’re not fast enough with their milk.
You can pause mid-bite to dash off and change a diaper, then come back as if nothing happened.
When your kid suddenly remembers they need snacks for a school event tomorrow, you can whip up six dozen cookies in no time flat.
You’re not shy about catching vomit in your bare hands when necessary.
You can lay on the couch, eyes closed, yet still have a sixth sense about everything your kids are getting into.
Dining out with the little ones means more trips to the restroom than actually enjoying your meal.
You can respond to your kids’ endless questions with movie lines, proving you’ve watched one too many Disney films.
Big boogers don’t faze you; you’ll pick it and wipe it on your pants without a second thought.
You might schedule your children’s check-ups months ahead, yet forget your own yearly appointment.
You can brush your teeth while holding your three-year-old’s wiener during potty time.
When shopping, you might forget your grocery list, but you can pinpoint where Sally’s red sparkly headband from three weeks ago is located.
Laundry? There’s so much that you contemplate turning your home into a nudist colony.
You can juggle two board games while also playing Words With Friends, and somehow come out on top in all of them.
Your most common sayings include, “Get your finger out of your butt,” “We don’t eat boogers for lunch,” and “No, I don’t want to smell your fart.”
Your living room no longer showcases beer can towers; instead, you find creative masterpieces from arts and crafts that look hazardous.
No matter how regularly you clean, your bathroom seems to have an unshakable pee smell.
You can change a diaper in pitch darkness without leaving any evidence behind—except for that lingering smell on your hands that only bleach can vanquish.
You can navigate through a dark bedroom without stepping on a single Lego, but in daylight? Good luck, because you’ll be cursing those tiny bricks.
You’ve mastered the art of sneaking a glass of wine and your phone into the bathroom, just for a few precious moments of alone time, regardless of whether you need to use the toilet.
When laundry time rolls around, it’s because the hampers are overflowing, not because you have a specific shirt in mind for a night out.
You can casually discuss your child’s last vomit episode over dinner while continuing to enjoy your meal as if discussing rainbows.
Math homework? You give it a shot, even if it feels like deciphering a foreign language.
Glitter is a regular part of your life.
Conversations revolve around poop, farts, burps, butts, and boogers.
While some aspects of parenting can be less than glamorous (I’m looking at you, vomit), there’s nothing we’d really change. Well, maybe the poo on the walls.
For more on parenting and related topics, check out some of our other posts like how to boost fertility supplements from Make a Mom or explore resources like UCSF’s fertility guide for anyone considering their options.
Summary
Being a parent is a wild ride filled with unexpected challenges and hilarious moments. From managing chaotic meal prep to navigating the world of toddler tantrums, the experiences are both exhausting and endlessly entertaining. Despite the messiness of daily life, there’s a unique joy in the chaos that comes with raising little ones.