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Who’s the Absolute Worst Person to Sit Next to on a Plane?
I can’t say for sure what fragrance the guy in front of me was wearing, but honestly, that doesn’t matter. Any scent so overpowering that it reaches anyone not cozied up to their neck just shouldn’t be labeled as a fragrance at all. I thought about confronting him for a moment—trying to find the right words—but then realized there weren’t any. Anyone who steps into a cramped airplane and imposes a scent on all those around them for the next six hours has to be a bit unhinged. Maybe their craziness is subtle, even fooling their nearest and dearest. But let’s face it: someone who douses themselves in cologne is likely a control freak, if not slightly sadistic.
I kept staring at the back of this guy’s head, pondering what could have possessed him to wake up, slather on a cologne that could knock out a horse, and head out into the world. I even considered making T-shirts that proclaim things like COLOGNE RUINS MY AIR or IF YOU’RE ROCKING COLOGNE, PLEASE KEEP YOUR DISTANCE; maybe even something straightforward like COLOGNE with a no symbol through it.
The cologne market is a massive beast. According to NPD Group, it raked in nearly a billion dollars in 2013. Yet, shockingly, 72% of guys who wear fragrance started using it before they turned 17. So, while it might take a while to ban cologne outright (not to be confused with Outlaw Cologne), perhaps we should kick off cologne education in schools.
On a bright note, a solid 37% of American men don’t wear cologne at all. If you happen to be one of them, do your friends and family a favor—let the ones who do know they’re giving people migraines and may be a little sociopathic. Also, I’d like to marry you, or at the very least, sit behind you on a flight, share an elevator, or stroll by you on a sunny day.
This article was originally published on November 9, 2014.
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In summary, sitting next to someone who douses themselves in cologne on a flight is a nightmare. It’s a struggle to breathe and enjoy the journey when someone’s fragrance is overpowering your senses. Let’s raise awareness about cologne etiquette, shall we?