You might think I’m a bit traditional. I still use a paper calendar, the kind you write in with a pen. Back in my mid-20s, when platforms like eHarmony and Match emerged, they revolutionized the dating landscape. At that time, all my single friends were signing up, but it felt like a secret. After witnessing several friends tie the knot through these online connections, I was convinced to try it myself.
One Sunday afternoon, I teamed up with a friend to fill out our online profiles. I tackled multiple-choice and essay questions about my personality, values, and what I wanted in a partner. I even created a separate email account just for this purpose, diving in with enthusiasm, sure I’d find my match.
However, that excitement quickly faded as I reached out to potential matches, only to be met with silence. Then, I met a guy named Jake who engaged me with a series of questions. I was intrigued by his profile, and it seemed the feeling was mutual. I felt optimistic! After consulting with my friends, I carefully crafted my responses to his inquiries.
As we exchanged daily emails, I developed strong feelings for Jake. But then tragedy struck—my father was diagnosed with late-stage cancer. I shared this news with Jake in a casual email, mentioning our complicated relationship. Suddenly, after our daily chats, there was no response. I found myself obsessively rereading my email, trying to figure out what went wrong. I even had friends read it to see if they could spot the issue.
Eventually, I reached out to Jake to check in. Days later, he replied with a vague message: “I don’t date girls with complicated issues.” Just like that, he vanished from my life, leaving me heartbroken.
With my confidence shattered, I decided to quit online dating. During my hiatus, I went on a few dates and even dated an old college friend. But as I approached my 30s, a close friend urged me to give online dating another shot. She was on the hunt for a guy with an accent and had discovered a new site focused on international dating. Reluctantly, I agreed.
Fast forward a decade, and I found myself once again crafting the perfect profile on a Sunday afternoon. I answered the questions meticulously and selected the ideal photo. My friend posted her profile and quickly garnered attention from potential suitors. Meanwhile, my inbox filled with messages from men seeking a submissive partner or those more interested in my American citizenship than me as a person. Despite reaching out to some promising matches, the silence returned. Eventually, I disabled my account once more.
After moving to D.C. and then Denver in the past seven years, I tried other dating sites, thinking it was the only way to meet someone. However, each attempt ended in frustration and disappointment. Now, at 38, I’ve come to a realization: online dating isn’t for me. While it has worked wonders for many—leading to weddings I’ve attended—it just doesn’t suit my personality. Creating a profile feels disingenuous, and I often feel like I’m shopping for a partner. Plus, ghosting has become all too easy.
After 13 years and multiple online dating sites, I’m officially done. While it seems everyone else is finding their perfect match online, I’ve chosen to step away. Since logging off, I’ve experienced a newfound happiness in my single life. I’ve stopped fixating on when I might meet someone, and although I have no prospects, this decision has allowed me to embrace the present.
Instead of scrolling through profiles, I’m investing my time in passions like hiking and writing. I’m also cherishing moments with the people I love who are right in front of me. By giving myself permission to stop searching, I’ve discovered a deeper joy in simply being present.
Now that I’m no longer glued to a dating app, I find myself smiling at strangers more often. Who knows where a simple smile might lead?
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Summary
: After years of ups and downs with online dating, I’ve decided to step back and focus on my personal happiness. Embracing my passions and spending quality time with loved ones has brought me more joy than any dating app ever could.