What to Say and What Not to Say to a Friend Who Has Experienced a Miscarriage

When I went through my first miscarriage, I remember my phone buzzing non-stop with messages of sympathy and support. Yet, amidst all those well-meaning words, I felt more isolated than ever. While I appreciated the kindness of my friends and family, what I really needed was an ear to listen, space to express my anger and sadness. Instead, I got unsolicited advice and a flood of shared experiences, which often missed the mark.

Through that tough time, I realized there are some things you just shouldn’t say to someone grieving the loss of their unborn child. Here are a few phrases to avoid, along with more thoughtful alternatives.

DON’T SAY: “I know what you’re going through.”

Even if you’ve had a miscarriage, you’re not living my experience. You can’t fully grasp how this loss impacts me.

SAY THIS: “I can relate; I went through a similar experience…”

This way, you can share your feelings without overshadowing mine.

DON’T SAY: “Things will get better.”

You can’t guarantee that. Maybe it got better for you, but “better” means different things to different people.

SAY THIS: “Over time, it became easier for me.”

I genuinely want to hear how you navigated your grief. Sharing your journey gives me hope for my own healing.

DON’T SAY: “You can always try again.”

Thanks for the suggestion! I had no idea babies were so easily replaceable. Right now, I’m just mourning the one I lost.

SAY THIS: (Silence is golden).

Just don’t bring up future pregnancies. I’m still processing the heartbreak of this loss, and my world feels like it’s crashing down.

DON’T SAY: “It was early, so it’s not like you lost a baby.”

Sorry, but you don’t get to determine when I formed an emotional bond with my child. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I became a mom.

SAY THIS: “I’m really sorry for your loss.”

That’s the truth of the matter. I’m grieving not just for the pregnancy but for a future that will never be.

Remember, everyone copes with miscarriage differently. The best thing you can do is listen first. If you still feel the urge to speak, approach the conversation with empathy and care. If you want to learn more about this topic, check out one of our other blog posts at intracervicalinsemination.com. And if you’re looking for expert advice, makeamom.com is a great resource. For more in-depth information, you can also visit NHS, an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.

In summary, when supporting a friend through miscarriage, prioritize listening over offering advice. Be sensitive about their feelings and focus on acknowledging their grief.