12 Reasons Why I Skipped My Shower Today

home insemination Kit

Hey there, my love!

Welcome back home! I hope your day at work was fantastic. I can imagine what you’re thinking – I look like a total mess tonight. But trust me, I really did plan to shower and tidy up. It just didn’t pan out.

Here are a dozen reasons why my shower plans were derailed today:

1. Your loud snoring and the baby’s cries kept me up all night, so I definitely hit the snooze button a few times. Okay, more like five times. I totally lost my chance to shower before the kids woke up.
2. The kids woke up cranky and demanding breakfast. Apparently, I’m the only one who knows where the cereal is or how to pour milk. Who knew?
3. After dropping the kids off at school, I had to rush to the grocery store. Guess what? I’m in charge of snacks for the class party tomorrow. Thanks for the heads up, right? I only found out when our daughter handed me a note she got over a week ago.
4. When I got home, I discovered I didn’t have any clean yoga pants. It felt wrong to put my freshly scrubbed self back into old clothes, so laundry it was.
5. I had plans to shower during nap time, but surprise! The baby had other ideas that didn’t involve sleep or quiet time.
6. So I thought I’d work out while the baby played, but really, who showers before exercising? Sweat happens.
7. But then, before I could even roll out my yoga mat, the dog decided to get sick. Cleaning that up required a makeshift Hazmat suit, a steam cleaner, and a healthy dose of cursing. (Let’s just say she had a run-in with the art supplies again.)
8. Even though I desperately wanted a shower after that, Common Core Math and a very upset child consumed the rest of my afternoon.
9. Then, of course, I had to whip up dinner. Because, you know, we all need to eat and not lose our minds. Didn’t I just do this yesterday?
10. And here’s a bright side: there’s a big drought happening in the Western US. So really, I’m conserving water. And money, too!
11. Plus, messy buns are totally in style, right? Tell me I look fabulous. Please!
12. Lastly, I used some baby wipes on my not-so-fresh parts, so I’m clean and sweet-smelling—just like a newborn.

Instead of looking at me like I’m a horror show, how about you take over with the kids while I sneak in that shower? Although, let’s be real, a glass of wine and some mindless TV sounds way more appealing right now.

Love you lots,
Your Beautiful (If Slightly Disheveled) Wife

P.S. I’ll aim for a shower tomorrow. Promise!