Delegate Like ‘Downton’: A Parenting Guide

Picture this: It’s a Sunday afternoon. One kid has just finished clearing the walkway, while another is unloading the dishwasher. Meanwhile, you’re relaxing with a magazine and a warm cup of tea, soaking in the bliss of a tidy (well, sort of) kitchen that you didn’t even have to clean yourself. Sound too good to be true? Guess what — it’s a reality in our home and not just a dream!

This wasn’t always the case, though. Back in the early days of my marriage and motherhood, I felt like I was drowning in mess and chaos, burdened by irritation. Why didn’t anyone else see the chores that needed doing? How could my partner and kids sit there glued to the TV while our home was in disarray?

I’ve never been the tidiest person, but the clutter made me feel anxious and unhappy, making it tough to enjoy quality family time or get anything done. I realized that I was handling almost all the housework, but doing it poorly and with an awful attitude.

It finally hit me: if I wanted change, I had to take the reins. Once I did, I discovered that my kids weren’t lazy; they just needed some guidance. I also learned that my husband, Mike, is more than willing to help but often doesn’t recognize what needs doing. Keeping our home reasonably clean (not perfectly spotless) turned out to be much simpler than I’d convinced myself it was.

The biggest breakthrough in transforming our chaotic household into a more manageable one was realizing I could utilize my kids as my little workforce! Delegating tasks effectively not only made our home cleaner but also helped me feel more in control, even though I find myself doing less actual cleaning than before.

Think of a busy household like an organization or a small business. Each family member might have their own role, but someone needs to be the manager, overseeing and holding everyone accountable. This is especially clear in larger families, though even smaller households can benefit from an organized approach to chores.

You don’t need fancy systems, expensive organizing tools, or a smartphone app to keep your home running smoothly. What you need is a parent willing to manage things, kids who respect your authority enough to pitch in, reasonable expectations, and a bit of patience. Here’s how we do it in our household.

The ‘Downton Abbey’ Method to Family Management

If you’re a fan of the period drama “Downton Abbey,” you’ll appreciate the order and efficiency of the staff, from the kitchen maid to Carson, the head butler. My vision of an organized home resembles a mini Downton Abbey, minus the fancy table settings. Each “staff member” knows their duties and the standards they need to meet.

Of course, our home is not a workplace, and my kids aren’t servants—although they would look adorable in those vintage uniforms! Here are four tips I’ve picked up from the Downton Abbey approach that resonate well in a family setting.

1. Create Specialists

The more often someone does a task, the better they become at it. I want my kids to know how to wash dishes or rake the lawn, but I’m not suggesting we turn them into little factory workers. It’s just logical to assign jobs to those who can do them well with minimal supervision. For instance, while Leo usually takes out the trash, the recycling is Emma’s domain. Ava tidies the living room daily, while Noah vacuums. And Mia knows it’s her job to organize the entryway as soon as everyone is home from school. Because they understand their roles, they complete their tasks without much oversight, making my life much easier.

Plus, when my kids feel ownership over their responsibilities, they care about doing them correctly. This reduces the need for me to micromanage, and when a younger sibling needs a lesson, the older ones love to step in and show them the ropes.

2. Expect Cooperation, Keep It Simple

While we occasionally offer our kids some cash for extra tasks, we generally don’t connect chores to allowances or other rewards. In our house, cleaning is part of being on the team, and we help each other out. This approach gives me flexibility in managing the household since I can quickly assess what needs doing and assign tasks accordingly. Often, it’s the child who specializes in that chore, but sometimes it’s just whoever is closest or looks the most bored.

For instance, earlier today, I asked Emma, “Can you unload the dishwasher?” And she did it. Easy as that!

3. Stick to Your Area

On Downton Abbey, each staff member has specific domains they oversee. While we can’t divide our home so neatly, our household thrives when each adult takes charge of what matters most to them. For example, I manage the kitchen, meaning I decide who does what each day. If I want Mike to wash dishes one night, I need to ask him because it’s not something he usually does — just like if he wants me to take the car for an oil change, he better give me a heads-up and a couple of reminders.

Knowing our respective responsibilities helps prevent overlapping tasks or letting things fall through the cracks.

4. Respect Each Other’s Areas

I used to get annoyed with Mike for not being more proactive about cleaning the bathrooms or planning meals. Then I realized he spends a lot of time on tasks he manages, like car maintenance and tech support. Just because I don’t notice these things doesn’t mean they’re not significant.

If you think your partner isn’t pulling their weight, take a moment to recognize what they are contributing. In busy households, even simple tasks like changing batteries or replacing burnt-out light bulbs can be a lot of work!

You might notice that in our home, our responsibilities often align with traditional gender roles. We didn’t plan it that way, but it just sort of happened. We’re both okay with it — I enjoy making our home cozy, while Mike is more tech-savvy, and it suits his interests.

You might find yourselves gravitating toward traditional roles, or perhaps your partner would prefer taking charge of the kitchen while you handle the yard. Either way, who does the dishes versus who takes care of the light bulbs doesn’t reflect the equality of your relationship.

I might be more like Mrs. Hughes than Carson, but at the end of the day, we’re both equally in charge, and our requests are respected by the kids, which is what truly matters.

For more practical advice on managing your household, check out some of our other posts, like this one on organizing clutter. And if you’re looking for expert resources, Cryobaby’s home insemination kit is a great place to start, as well as UCSF’s IVF information for those considering pregnancy.

In summary, by taking a structured approach to household chores and embracing delegation, you can maintain a clean home while fostering teamwork among family members. It’s not about perfection; it’s about creating a space where everyone contributes and feels valued.