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To the Wonderful Onlookers at Costco
Dear curious friends at Costco,
I saw you watching as we squeezed our 15-passenger van into that tight parking spot between a sporty Miata and a compact Smart Car. You probably raised an eyebrow when you watched us try to unload our lively crew—seven kids and three shopping carts—into the store after what felt like a mini Olympic event.
You might have wondered about the child in mismatched footwear—one sandal on the right and a duct-taped boot on the left. And yes, a second child, clad in pajama pants that looked like they belonged to a much bigger kid, was proudly wearing his faded Thomas the Train shirt, oblivious to the fashion faux pas. I’ve accepted that some battles aren’t worth fighting.
Meanwhile, our toddler was dressed for a yacht outing, while another kid was ready for a ski trip. And that poor wailing child in the cart? He was just upset that we wouldn’t let him shop at Costco in his birthday suit! I could see the blend of horror and fascination on your faces as you processed our little circus. “Why do they have SEVEN kids?” you must have thought. But honestly, seven isn’t so shocking! If I said I had seven goldfish, you’d probably ask if I had more pets. Seven kids? Apparently, that’s a whole different story.
Once we got past the entrance, we maneuvered through the aisles, gathering samples like scavengers. You might have been horrified to see our lanky teenager devour an absurd number of microwaveable beef wellington samples in record time. He’s the reason we upgraded to the EXECUTIVE Membership after the cashier noted I spend more than average at Costco. At home, we affectionately call him The Hungry Teen. He can polish off a full meal and immediately ask if anyone is finishing their snack.
We practically live at Costco, and we’ve become quite attuned to the reactions we get from fellow shoppers, who are often laden with frozen burritos and other essentials. Since I thrive on sharing my family’s story with complete strangers in the cheese aisle, I’m happy to answer your burning questions. Here’s a handy reference for when you see us again:
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Is the cute baby your last?
A: For now, yes.
Q: Why so many kids?
A: It increases our chances of a good nursing home!
Q: Do they all have the same dad?
A: Uh… for now, yes?
Q: What’s your monthly food bill like?
A: What’s your mortgage?
Q: How will you pay for their college?
A: Well, bless your heart for assuming my kids would qualify for anything other than a circus!
Q: Is it loud at home?
A: Didn’t catch that. What did you say?
Q: Are you following the family with nineteen kids from that show?
A: Oh, absolutely! Seven is practically nineteen, right?
Q: Why is that one undressing?
A: Don’t worry—he’ll stop when he realizes we’re buying mustard.
I hope that quenched some of your curiosity. As we made our way through the checkout line, it was a spectacle—twirling sisters, rolling brothers, escaped oranges, and a flying churro. Once we got the green light from the receipt angel, we headed back to our van, probably to your relief.
Now I’m home, enjoying a coffee and reflecting on another wild Costco adventure. You’re always welcome to join us on our next shopping trip! Just be prepared to push a cart and promise not to out-dress us. You’ll need attire suitable for a yacht party, a pajama day, or a ski resort.
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Summary: This lighthearted note reflects on the amusing experiences of a family of seven navigating a Costco shopping trip. The author shares humorous interactions and addresses common questions from curious onlookers, all while inviting them to join in on the fun.