7 Guidelines to Keep in Mind When Texting Your Ex

I had my fair share of intense text exchanges with my ex-husband in the early stages of our divorce. To avoid the awkwardness and the same old arguments during phone calls, I turned to texting to sort out visitation schedules, decide who was getting which holiday gifts, and other not-so-fun aspects of divorce, like quoting the parenting agreement and questioning his choices. It wasn’t a pretty sight, and I own my part in that mess.

Instead of deleting those messages, I’ve kept them as a reminder of how nasty things can get over text and, more importantly, when to step back and just let things go. Texts from my ex can still get under my skin, but since we’re going to be co-parenting our son for the long haul, I’ve learned some helpful texting rules.

Take a Moment

I used to feel compelled to reply to every single text from my ex, as if not responding would somehow be held against me. Now, when I read something that confuses or annoys me, I try to take a deep breath—or three.

Not Every Message Needs a Reply

After taking a moment, I ask myself if the text requires a conversation or if it’s just a statement. Most of the time, I realize it doesn’t need my input. Typically, engaging further only stirs the pot.

Silence Can Be Powerful

I’m a great communicator and I love words, but I’ve learned the value of allowing silence to speak for itself. Sometimes, it’s best to let a message sit without a response, especially if it’s rude or condescending.

Set a Response Deadline

If a text truly needs a reply and I’m unsure how to respond, I set a deadline for myself. Whether it’s 24 hours or until next week, I let myself think it over, calm down, or even seek advice from a trusted friend before responding.

Email for Important Matters

For legal documentation like visitation agreements and other formal communications, using email is far more effective. It’s easier to track and reference compared to scrolling through years of texts. Plus, email gives you a bit more time to compose your thoughts. And for those facing any threatening or abusive texts, remember to take a screenshot and email it to yourself for safety.

Nothing is Permanent

This applies to relationships and those heated texts. I can forgive myself for the late-night messages I regret sending. It’s essential to scroll past the hurtful texts I’ve received too. Life moves on, and eventually, new, happier messages will replace the old ones.

I’m Not Perfect

Even in the realm of ex-texting, I make mistakes. Underneath the pleasant exchanges with my loved ones, I still have those painful texts saved. They serve as lessons on how not to communicate, especially during breakups.

And remember, if you’re dealing with threatening texts or feel unsafe in any way, please reach out for help immediately.

For more insights, check out our other posts on home insemination strategies and tips!

Summary

Texting your ex can be a tricky business, especially when emotions run high. The key is to maintain composure, recognize when silence speaks volumes, and know that not every message requires your input. Use email for formal communication and always prioritize your safety.