10 Reasons Why the County Fair is a Sneaky Fun Sucker

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Let’s be real, the county fair is more of a fun sucker than a fun generator. Here are ten reasons why it might not be the blast you’re hoping for:

1. The Rides
   Those rickety contraptions are a hard pass. Sure, accidents are rare, but I once saw someone lose their lunch mid-ride, and it landed on another passenger. That’s weaponized vomit, folks. No thanks!
2. The Chaos
   Timing is everything, right? Well, good luck with that. The parade is running late, the funnel cake stand is out of syrup by noon, and the magic show is just a big fat no-show. You’ll find yourself sweating under the shade, waiting for updates that never come, while a security guard laughs at our confusion.
3. The Heat
   It’s always either too hot or too cold, and the first person to invent outdoor air conditioning will surely be rolling in cash. Seriously, we’re talking about temperatures that make you question your life choices.
4. The Fair Food
   Ah, the aroma of fair food—so nostalgic, yet such a scam. You think you’re getting a deal, but those overpriced burgers and sticky cotton candy are nowhere near as good as your favorite family diner. Plus, everything is just… sticky.
5. The Goldfish
   I prided myself on avoiding fair goldfish for years. And then, of course, my kiddos begged for one after they “won” at ring toss. Now I’m $50 deep into buying a fish tank and supplies for pets I never intended to have.
6. The Salespeople
   Hidden in the less crowded sections, vendors try to sell you everything from timeshares to hot tubs that have seen better days. “Would you like to hear about our amazing deal?” No, thank you!
7. The Fair-Goers
   Who are these people? From the oblivious adults pushing through kids to see exhibits to grandparents letting their grandkids make a mess, the lack of basic etiquette is astounding. It’s enough to make you want to hide!
8. The Hall of Lost Hopes
   Forget about 4-H; the children’s hall is just a reminder of everything you should be doing with your kids. Rows of baked goods, photos, and quilts scream “Why aren’t you doing more?!”
9. The Gross Factor
   The seating is sticky, the bathrooms are questionable, and the litter situation is out of control. Why is it so hard to find a trash can? It’s like a free-for-all out there.
10. The Price of Fun
    A trip to the fair can cost you as much as a shopping spree at Target, but instead of coming home with actual useful stuff, you might just end up with two barely-alive fish and some inflatable toys that pop before you even get to your car.

So yeah, I totally get why my mom wasn’t a fan of the fair. But here’s the kicker: she still took us. In her honor, I’m planning to brave the fair with my kids, despite my worries about airborne vomit. And yes, I’ll be packing extra wipes because, trust me, you’ll need them. If you want to read more about parenting and home insemination tips, check out this post on planning for baby.