Twice a year, my grandmother would take the time to wash her windows. My grandfather would carefully remove the panes and lean them against the wall while she scrubbed each side with Windex and newspaper. It was a ritual that she often complained about, yet it brought her inexplicable joy.
If she could see me now, she’d be turning in her grave. I’ve lived in my current home for seven years and haven’t so much as touched the windows with a cleaning product. Sure, I’ve wiped down a few spots, but they haven’t truly felt the sting of Windex. Our view is like looking through a foggy lens, but honestly, who has the time to wash windows, especially when a housekeeper is out of my budget? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to chores I sidestep, delay, or outright ignore. Let’s be real: sometimes, you just gotta let things slide.
1. Washing the Walls
My grandmother was a wall-washing warrior. She would gather rags and scrub down the paint until it gleamed. But really, washing walls? That feels like a relic of the past—perhaps a way to keep women busy. I only touch my walls when my toddler unleashes their artistic side with crayons or markers. Spoiler alert: those stains are here to stay, and my hallway now resembles an avant-garde art installation.
2. Scrubbing the Baseboards
Baseboards are those wooden strips at the bottom of walls, right? Supposedly, they need regular scrubbing, but who even has the time? Plus, cleaning them would mean moving furniture, and I’m not about to do that. What’s lurking underneath? Better left to the imagination.
3. Cleaning Under the Couch
Ah, the couch. Underneath lies a mysterious world filled with dust bunnies, lost action figures, and the occasional empty juice box. I’d rather not delve into the depths of that abyss; who knows what I might find?
4. Washing Couch Cushions
This is apparently a thing people do. I’d only consider washing couch cushions if a pet had an accident on them. Otherwise, they’re lucky to get fluffed and positioned neatly. Zippers? What zippers?
5. Sanitizing Kids’ Toys
I’ve heard that some parents meticulously collect their children’s toys and bleach them to perfection. Kudos to those who have that kind of time! My kids’ toys seem to appear and vanish like magic, possibly from a parallel universe. I’ll save my bleach for laundry, thank you very much.
6. Organizing Closets
My closet might hold relics from the Nixon era—definitely things I’ve never worn and long-forgotten toys. Sometimes, my kids go on adventures back there, hoping to find Narnia. We call it “charming” to avoid facing the clutter.
7. Cleaning the Washing Machine
Isn’t the point of a washing machine to clean? So why would I run a cycle to wash the machine itself? Sounds like a waste of water to me. If my laundry comes out clean, I’m satisfied.
8. Dusting the Top of the Fridge
Let’s be honest, only the Lord can see the top of my refrigerator. It’s a graveyard for old cereal boxes and other kitchen flotsam. I’ll get around to cleaning it when I move or when the fridge finally gives up.
Some may think I’m a terrible housekeeper and unfit to raise my rambunctious boys. But I know I’m not alone in this messy adventure. Let’s just say I’m bold enough to admit my dirty little secrets.
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In summary, I’m not about that deep-cleaning life. May my house survive this chaotic existence—and may my grandmother forgive me.