Eight Types of Veteran Parents You’ll Encounter on Your Parenting Journey

Becoming a parent can be downright terrifying, especially when you realize you’re stepping into the unknown. Naturally, you turn to seasoned parents for guidance—those who have survived the chaotic newborn phase and can offer tips on everything from breastfeeding to assembling that elusive co-sleeper. However, not all seasoned parents are equally helpful. Here’s a lighthearted look at the eight types of veteran parents you’re likely to encounter on your parenting journey.

1. The Baby Whisperer Parent

Often an older family member, perhaps a doting grandmother, this parent will insist that they can communicate with your baby telepathically. They’ll frequently relay your infant’s “needs”—like being held or changed—conveniently just when they’re tired of holding the baby themselves. If you don’t comply, watch out for the escalation to the next type: the Ventriloquist Parent.

2. The Ventriloquist Parent

This one loves to speak in baby talk, acting as if they’re channeling your child. When your baby is crying—because, well, that happens—they’ll hold the little one out and say things like, “I’m hungwy!” It’s tough to lose your temper with them because it feels like you’re yelling at a baby. Nice move, Ventriloquist Parent.

3. The Frat Bro Parent

This parent thrives on hazing the newbies. If you mention how tired you are during pregnancy, they’ll respond with, “You think this is tired? Just wait until the baby arrives!” Once your little one is here, they’ll regale you with horror stories about their kid not sleeping through the night until high school. Brutal.

4. The Forgetful Parent

Typically an older sibling or someone with school-aged kids, this parent is eager to help but holds your baby as if it’s a fragile artifact. They can’t remember how to do basic things like warming a bottle, but when nostalgia strikes, they might have a moment of clarity—only to be horrified by their own memories.

5. The “Been There” Parent

This veteran parent is usually from an older generation and has forgotten almost everything about modern parenting. They might reminisce about how nobody used car seats back in their day, conveniently ignoring the safety advancements since then. When you apply sunscreen on your fair-skinned child, they’ll raise their eyebrows and say, “In my day, we let them get some sun!” Good luck getting them to accept your safety precautions.

6. The Sneaky Feeder Parent

You never know what happens during visits with this parent. Your toddler often comes back looking a little green and refusing dinner. When you ask about their snack time, they’ll mumble something about epic sweets, and you’ll soon be dealing with a mess. When confronted, the Sneaky Feeder will insist they just “knew your kid needed a treat.”

7. The Finger-Wagger Parent

This type usually pops up in public, ready to point out all the ways your child might get hurt. They frame it as concern—“I’m worried he might fall!”—but it often feels more like a critique of your parenting. Just ignore them; you know what’s best for your kid.

8. The Godsend Parent

The absolute best type! This gem of a parent brings over delicious meals, holds your baby so you can nap, and even helps with chores. They listen patiently while you vent about your struggles and lend a hand whenever possible. You’ll cherish this relationship the most as you navigate your new world.

Hopefully, your encounters with the first seven types will be brief, while your bond with the Godsend Parent lasts a lifetime. After all, someone has to help you put together that co-sleeper!

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In summary, navigating the world of parenting introduces you to a variety of veteran parents, each with their own quirks. While some may offer unsolicited advice or playfully tease, others will become invaluable allies during this wild ride.