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Navigating Tweenhood: A Journey of Growth and Understanding
You really wanted to walk to the ice cream shop with your little sister while on vacation in that charming beach town. “I’m twelve now, Mom,” you insisted, “almost thirteen! Please?” After a bit of back-and-forth, your dad and I decided to give you a taste of independence, even if it was just a short stroll down the street. We agreed you could grab some ice cream, dip your toes in the sand for a little while, and then head back.
With clear instructions and a designated return time, you assured us you understood what was expected of you. As we watched you and your sister head off, we couldn’t help but marvel at how quickly you were growing up.
But when the time came for you to return, you were nowhere to be found. You were late—very late. So late that we had to walk to the beach to look for you, and when we finally did find you, you offered flimsy excuses and a dramatic eye roll. Worst of all, there was no genuine apology.
Somehow, it felt like we were to blame for your tardiness. “It was just five minutes! What’s the big deal?” you retorted, rolling your eyes again.
We discussed trust and responsibility and managing your time when you have deadlines or curfews. We talked about future freedoms that would come with demonstrated maturity and respect for our rules. But you stood your ground, insisting you were in the right. I was both surprised and impressed by your fierce stance, reminding me of your stubborn toddler years.
That night, you went to bed without admitting any fault, just as you had done countless times before as a defiant three-year-old. The next morning, you sat at the kitchen table, brooding over your cereal, while I sipped my coffee, pondering how I had a child who couldn’t apologize. Where had I gone wrong?
Then it struck me: I hadn’t really taught you how to say “I’m sorry” in a way that resonated with your tween self. When you were younger, I had you repeat apologies you hardly understood during moments of unkindness or rule-breaking. You learned through consequences like time-outs and early bedtimes, which were suitable for toddlers. But you’re not a toddler anymore.
We’re entering a new phase together, filled with hormones, angst, and drama. Your body is changing, your opinions are solidifying, and while you crave independence, it can feel overwhelming. It’s just as confusing for me as it is for you, and I realize we’re back in the teaching phase once again.
Just as I navigated your toddler years, we’ll tackle these tween years together. We survived tantrums and learned valuable lessons along the way. Now, it’s time for me to help you through this next stage. I’ll stand firm, maintain consistency, and teach you that sincere apologies are essential. No more flippant two-syllable utterances; I want you to learn how to apologize genuinely. You’ll leave my home knowing how to amend for hurting someone’s feelings.
You’ll learn how to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong. How can I make it up to you?” and we’ll practice this so that you’re ready for the real world. But for now, as you look at me with those hazel eyes and sheepishly say sorry, I’ll accept it. We have a lot of work ahead of us, but for now, I’ll simply respond, “I know,” and wait for the next opportunity.
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Summary:
Navigating the tween years can be challenging for both parents and children. This article reflects on a relatable story of a mother learning to teach her child the importance of sincere apologies and responsibility as they transition from childhood into the more complex phase of tweenhood. It’s a journey filled with growth, understanding, and the occasional struggle, but it’s essential for developing strong values.