When it comes to sibling squabbles, you might find that the best way to spark a disagreement is to step into the shower. You could set them up with a movie, engage them with a lengthy craft project, or let them play quietly (okay, maybe not quietly, but joyfully), and the moment you indulge in that blissful steam, chaos ensues. The ultimate parenting tip? Showers are a slippery slope.
I was almost finished, standing under the hot water and contemplating the day ahead, when the peaceful moment shattered. Just as I began rinsing the conditioner from my hair, I heard the unmistakable crash of falling blocks followed by the wails of my daughter. She came racing upstairs, her voice laced with panic, eager to report her brother’s latest mishap. I could bet it wasn’t malicious—he probably just didn’t see where he was going—but that didn’t lessen the sting of her hard work being undone in an instant. She needed me to see the aftermath first.
Then, her brother came barreling in, tears streaming down his face, pleading, “Please forgive me! You have to forgive me!” He darted his gaze between the two of us, before collapsing at my feet, sobbing, “I didn’t mean to mess it up.”
At its core, forgiveness is about changing how we think. The pain that comes from being hurt might linger, but releasing those negative feelings can lead to personal peace. It’s crucial for kids to learn early on that forgiveness is a deliberate choice to reshape their thoughts. No one can force you to forgive (although they might urge you to say the words), but by choosing to forgive, you liberate yourself from negativity. Whether or not you decide to keep the person who wronged you in your life, you can let go of the feelings that weigh you down.
Here are some friendly tips for teaching kids about forgiveness:
Let Them Vent
When we rush in to fix things or brush off their feelings to maintain peace, we deny our kids a chance to express their emotions. Bottling up negative feelings only leads to stress, and that’s definitely not a happy place to be. Anger is a valid emotion, and it’s okay for kids to express it appropriately. Instead of letting them lash out at friends, try encouraging them to clap, stomp, or yell into a pillow to release those feelings. Once the anger subsides, they’ll be more open to resolving the actual issue.
Validate Their Feelings
When parents downplay a problem or dismiss their kids as being overly dramatic, it leaves children feeling sad and unheard. What might seem like an overreaction is often a child’s way of signaling that something is amiss. They need validation when they’re hurt, just like adults do. Instead of minimizing their feelings, show empathy and discuss what happened. Acknowledge their emotions and share a personal story about a time you felt similar, allowing them to feel understood.
Model Forgiveness
Kids absorb a lot from their environment, especially at home. If they witness parents reacting with frustration, they may mimic that behavior with siblings or friends. Conversely, if you demonstrate good listening skills and forgiveness, they’ll learn to do the same. Share experiences about hurt feelings and how you chose to let go of negativity. Whether it’s forgiving a partner for a small mistake or learning to forgive a stranger for a larger issue, teaching them that forgiveness is part of life can set them on a positive path.
In the end, whether it’s forgiving loved ones for minor grievances or letting go of grievances with strangers, choosing to forgive helps free our hearts to embrace the good that life has to offer. That’s a valuable lesson worth imparting.
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Summary
Teaching kids about forgiveness involves helping them express emotions, validate their feelings, and modeling forgiveness in everyday life. By allowing children to process their feelings and showing them that forgiveness is a choice, we equip them with the tools to move forward positively.