- I welcomed my children in a traditional hospital setting. With epidurals on standby, I relished the shiny medical equipment and the friendly professionals guiding me through the process. It may not suit everyone, but it was perfect for me.
- I opted for disposable diapers. Sure, cloth might be environmentally friendly, but the thought of rinsing out messy diapers? No, thank you!
- I don’t make my own jams from the berries I’ve grown. Honestly, my life is chaotic enough without adding canning to the mix.
- My kids play with plastic toys. They do have them, but they seem to prefer the simple joys of sticks, rocks, and cardboard tubes instead.
- I make sure my children are vaccinated. In fact, we follow the pediatrician’s recommended schedule. Shocking, I know! But it works for us.
- Co-sleeping isn’t our thing. I need my sleep to be an effective parent, and that means my kids have their own beds.
- I occasionally forget my reusable bags. I know, I know! It’s a big deal in some circles, and I often find myself apologizing in the checkout line while scrambling for excuses other than, “I just forgot.”
- If we had to rely on growing our food, we’d be in trouble. I often think, “Did I water the plants today?” and the answer is usually no.
- I buy Velveeta cheese. Yes, that creamy delight is a guilty pleasure I keep stashed in the fridge. Don’t tell my fellow crunchy moms!
- My yoga practice is mostly about looking good. When the instructor asks for our intentions, I silently wish for tighter buns.
- We’re not vegan or vegetarian. Bacon is a staple in our house, and we unapologetically enjoy it on everything. Yes, we can watch Charlotte’s Web while indulging in bacon!
- We watch a lot of shows and movies. Our TV broke ages ago, but we have every other streaming device imaginable, so we hardly notice.
- I wear shoes and bras. Well, most of the time, especially when I’m heading out somewhere nice.
- Soap is part of my routine. I’ll admit, I don’t shower daily (please don’t judge), but I do use soap!
- I don’t grind my own grain for bread. Is that a real thing? I wouldn’t even know where to begin!
- I don’t think coconut oil is the miracle cure it’s made out to be. It might work for some things, but not everything.
- We visit a doctor when we’re sick. I trust that healthcare professionals are doing their best to help us feel better.
- Homeschooling isn’t for us. My kids are grateful for the bus ride to public school, and I’ve learned that time apart really does enhance our connection.
- I don’t understand why people put Brewer’s yeast on popcorn. If you haven’t encountered this trend, consider yourself lucky. It just makes popcorn sad.
- Lastly, I’ve never made kale chips. I might get kicked out of the crunchy club for this one!
I do what works for my family, and I’ll own up to my crunchy shortcomings. So, my free-spirited friends, keep the conversations going, but maybe skip the invites to your placenta-eating gatherings!
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Summary
In this light-hearted piece, Emma Lockhart humorously reflects on her shortcomings as a “crunchy” mom, highlighting her choices that stray from conventional crunchy parenting ideals. From hospital births to store-bought cheese, she candidly embraces her unique parenting style while encouraging acceptance and understanding among fellow moms.