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My Gambling Addiction Led Me to Break the Law
Yesterday, something happened that reopened a wound I thought was long healed—no, it was fresh, unhealed, and hanging over my head like a dark cloud. A brave friend shared her story with me, and it hit me right in the gut. That nauseating, gut-wrenching feeling is one I know all too well, and I’ll explain why shortly.
When someone opens up about their struggles, I feel honored; I understand the vulnerability of putting oneself out there for judgment, especially when you feel like you’ve made a colossal mistake.
Shame has a way of burrowing deep into your core, gnawing at you like a rabid dog. No matter how fast you run from it, it always finds a way back, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. I’ve experienced shame so intense that it crushed my spirit. It’s rooted in a dark place I’ve avoided discussing, until now. Thanks to my friend’s courage, I’ve mustered the strength to share my own story.
Nearly six years ago, I stumbled upon a flashy website while trying to buy a local lottery ticket online. That day, the jackpot was enormous, and my friends were buzzing about who would win the $50 million. I signed up for the site, deposited $10, bought a ticket, and forgot about it. What a convenient way to buy lottery tickets, right?
Days later, I received an email saying I’d won a small amount. I logged in to see my winnings, which I used to buy more tickets. For weeks, I kept winning small amounts, but it was just a warm-up for what was to come.
One night, with some free time on my hands, I decided to try one of the casino games on the site. With just a dollar left in my wallet, I hit the spin button. What happened next was unbelievable—I went from having nothing to winning $27,827.69 in seconds. I was ecstatic, running around my house and celebrating like I’d just scored a touchdown.
This unexpected windfall came at the perfect time; it helped me pay bills and put my family back on stable ground after my divorce. We celebrated but also set some money aside as a safety net. For a moment, life felt like it was back on track.
However, the thrill of that win haunted me. I began to chase that high, returning to the site repeatedly. Although I won smaller amounts, nothing compared to that first rush. I became addicted, seeking that euphoric feeling without realizing it.
In just six months, I was gambling every day. I’d rush home from work, log in, and escape into a world where nothing mattered but the next win. Gambling became my closest companion. I didn’t need anyone else—this was my secret love.
For over two years, gambling consumed my life. I hid from my family, seeking moments alone to gamble, even sneaking into the bathroom with my laptop. My relationship with gambling turned toxic, yet I didn’t stop. I was in too deep.
As my finances dwindled, I began gambling entire paychecks within hours—sometimes winning, but mostly losing. In total, I gambled away nearly $100,000 during this time, all while lying to my loved ones about my finances. I spun a web of deceit that still breaks my heart to recall.
Then came my breaking point. In the last six months of my addiction, I started stealing from work to fund my gambling habit. I was terrible at it, but desperation drove me. I didn’t want to be caught; I wanted to keep chasing that elusive thrill.
Eventually, I could no longer hide my actions. I bravely emailed my boss to confess. The wait for his response was agonizing. When I finally spoke with him, I learned he already suspected something was wrong, and police were involved. My world came crashing down.
Faced with the possibility of jail time and the fear of losing my family, I made a terrible choice: I gambled away the last $80 in my account. Within minutes, I lost everything—again.
I haven’t gambled in 708 days. The first several months were a struggle, filled with thoughts of suicide brought on by shame. Counseling has been my lifeline, helping me navigate the aftermath of my actions.
My journey is far from over. I’m waiting for a court date, and the reality of facing potential jail time looms large. I’ve been fingerprinted and photographed for my mug shot, and it’s a humbling experience. I know I must own my mistakes and plan to plead guilty.
I am a compulsive gambler, and I understand I can never gamble again. This experience has taught me more about myself than I ever could have imagined. I’ve forgiven myself, but I will always regret the pain I caused to those I love.
This is just a part of my story, and it doesn’t define who I am. If you or someone you know is struggling with gambling, please seek help. There are resources available, and you don’t have to face this alone, like the information provided by intracervicalinsemination.com or the expert insights at Cleveland Clinic’s podcast.
Summary
Sarah shares her harrowing journey with gambling addiction, detailing how a harmless lottery ticket turned into a destructive obsession. She reflects on the shame, deceit, and eventual consequences of her actions, including stealing from work. After hitting rock bottom, she has committed to recovery and urges others to seek help if they face similar struggles.