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The No-Eye-Contact Parenting Tactic
by Melissa Harper
March 8, 2023
Recently, I found myself at what has become my social highlight: a child’s birthday bash. While some parents dread these gatherings, I relish the idea of a house teeming with kids—mostly family—to keep my little ones entertained. Yes, it’s a glorious three-hour stretch where the kids can roam freely in a safe, familiar space, allowing me the rare chance to engage in adult conversation for the first time in days.
So, you can imagine my irritation when I heard a familiar call while sipping my rum-infused punch with friends around the kitchen island. “Mom! Mom!” The tiny voice was accompanied by little hands tugging at my pant leg.
Much to the dismay of the judgmental parents in attendance, I continued my conversation without looking down. Does this make me a neglectful mother? Absolutely not. I simply adhere to the cardinal rule of encouraging independent play: avoid eye contact at all costs.
Now, let me clarify that this no-eye-contact rule doesn’t apply to every scenario. Of course, if my child were hurt, hungry, or tired, I would immediately swoop in for a snuggle. But in most cases, it goes like this: Child is happily playing. Child glances up and sees you. Child thinks, “Hey, there’s Mom looking bored over there. Time to pull her hair.” Or child is playing happily, you smile at them—and boom! The game is over, and they’re suddenly whining for attention. So, the lesson is clear: avoid eye contact.
Here are a few strategies to navigate these preventable interruptions:
- Keep Yourself Busy
Kids tend to play better when they see you occupied with something else. Even if you loathe cleaning, grab that Swiffer and tackle those dust bunnies. Suddenly, your children will remember that forgotten toy they haven’t touched in ages, and you’ll score a clean house. It’s a win-win situation. The irony is that all you want is to sit and relax after a long day, yet staying active is what simplifies parenting. - Steer Clear of the Play Area
After finishing the dishes, if your kids are happily entertaining themselves in the living room, resist the urge to stroll into their line of sight. Once you enter their view, the peace will shatter. Instead, embrace the kitchen as your refuge. Just yesterday, I settled on the cold floor with a box of Cheez-Its and enjoyed a solid 17 minutes of peace. Yes, I loved every second! - Find a Hiding Spot
Yes, you read that right—hide! In my experience, most sibling squabbles, boredom, or minor crises can resolve themselves without my involvement. Whether you sneak behind the kitchen counter or hide behind a friendly stranger at a crowded event (like the aforementioned birthday party), embrace the moment. Just make sure to explain your antics to the kind lady nearby as you duck behind her sweater: “Don’t mind me, I’m just hiding from my kid.”
So, what happened at the birthday party when I refused to make eye contact with my daughter? Within about six seconds, she realized she was perfectly fine, and Mama wasn’t going anywhere. She happily wandered off to play with the other kids.
Once again, the no-eye-contact tactic prevails. Now, back to that punch!
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Summary
The no-eye-contact strategy in parenting encourages kids to play independently without seeking constant attention. By staying busy, avoiding the play area, and even hiding when necessary, parents can enjoy moments of peace while their children thrive in self-directed play.