Back when my partner and I were dating, we resided in a city apartment where we didn’t know a single person. Sure, we had our run-ins with that guy who always nabbed our parking space and the loud neighbor who would ring our doorbell at 2 a.m. after a night of drinking, but for the most part, we kept to ourselves. We had friends, but they weren’t “apartment friends.”
Our first home was in a suburban area close to my partner’s job. As novice homeowners, we entertained our neighbors with our attempts at landscaping and DIY projects. While they often stepped out to admire our latest plantings (and chuckle at our questionable mulching skills), we still lacked the circle of friends for Margarita Fridays or Saturday Game Nights.
That all changed when we had kids. Suddenly, it felt like we had been granted access to an exclusive club filled with jewelry parties, book clubs, and cornhole tournaments. Our children easily found playdates right next door, and we toasted our newfound friendships each Friday night with margaritas.
However, beneath the picture-perfect facade of our neighborhood, tensions simmered. Disputes over social invitations, murmurs about a neighbor’s extravagant garage addition, and lengthy debates about homes selling below their asking prices made me realize that neighborhoods might need more than the typical homeowner association bylaws. They needed real, relatable rules—an actual manifesto for the community.
Here’s what I would include in my neighborhood manifesto:
- I will always keep a freezer stocked with popsicles and will not be offended if your child requests one during the hot summer days. No fancy brands; we’re all about the classics here.
- If your kid rides by without a helmet, I promise to yell, “Get back here and put that helmet on before you crack your skull!”
- Don’t feel bad for skipping my jewelry, kitchen utensil, or essential oils party. In fact, any event that requires you to fork over cash for something you don’t want is outright forbidden.
- In the event of a natural disaster, I’ll support your family however I can. Expect my partner to help shovel snow while I show up with drinks to ease the pain.
- I’ll collect your mail and newspapers when you’re on vacation, and I won’t judge if I spot “past due” notices.
- If I bring food to a gathering, it will be from the store with the price tag still attached. Chips will stay in their bag, dips will have removable lids, and all desserts will be labeled from the bakery. Drinks will exclusively be served in red Solo cups.
- I vow to always have coffee and wine available. If you’re having a rough day, I’ll offer you a mug or a glass, and I won’t blink if you choose wine at 9 a.m.
- When “Thriller” plays at any event, I’ll get up and dance, complete with the evil laugh at the end. I will promptly switch off any music from the 2000s onward to favor the glorious ‘80s.
- Bus stop duties will fall to parents who are running the least late. Kids will be collected and entertained until the tardy parents arrive.
- If your dog leaves a surprise in someone’s yard, you’d best pick it up. Failure to do so will result in being assigned the task of planning the annual block party.
- In the event of a death or emergency, please do not bring lasagna or any variations thereof. Booze is always appreciated.
- If a neighbor lists their home for sale, all others are free to look it up on Zillow and critique the décor.
- Neighborhood party games must include Cards Against Humanity, beer pong, and strip poker; Scrabble is banned from Saturday night gatherings.
- If you don’t receive an invite to a neighborhood event, assume the hostess forgot, was embarrassed about not having enough hot dog buns, or thought you’d just show up. Don’t sulk—come on over!
- Treat others as you wish to be treated regarding your pool. Those unfortunate enough not to have one should be welcomed.
Being part of a neighborhood doesn’t have to feel like a scene from Stepford Wives or Wisteria Lane. These rules are pretty easy to follow. Toss in a monthly “Beer Money” collection and a block party headlined by Bon Jovi, and I might never want to leave this wonderful neighborhood.
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In summary, creating a supportive and fun neighborhood environment requires a shared understanding of what makes community life enjoyable. Implementing a lighthearted manifesto can foster friendships, ensure safety, and keep the good times rolling.