Letting Go: Parenting as a Control Enthusiast

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Breakfast chaos erupts: “I need more milk!” my 6-year-old shouts. “I can get it!” she insists, launching herself toward the kitchen. My instinct is to leap up, but I force myself to stay seated. I watch her dash into the kitchen, cup in hand, as she wrestles with the refrigerator door, sending salad dressing tumbling to the floor. My grip on the table tightens and my toes curl in anticipation.

With all her strength, she yanks out the nearly full gallon— which is practically the same size as her! As I take deep breaths, I recall all those parenting books that emphasize the importance of letting kids tackle tasks independently. But what exactly does it teach them? I have no idea. My eyebrow begins to twitch as I fixate on the milk precariously tilting toward her tiny plastic cup. My tension is so tight I could probably break a walnut with my clenched buttocks. Suddenly, milk spills everywhere, transforming the floor into a white waterfall.

“Oops!” she giggles, righting the carton, with milk still sloshing out the top.

“It’s fine,” I reply through gritted teeth, forcing a smile as I hand her the mop. “Accidents happen!”

Once my kids leave for school, I deliberately steer clear of their bedrooms. They do their best to make their beds, which I know would satisfy most moms. But I’m not like most moms. I’m a recovering control enthusiast. Eventually, I find myself needing something upstairs, so I cup my hands around my eyes, akin to those horse blinders that prevent them from getting spooked.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine,” I whisper to myself, even though I know the sheets are likely crumpled beneath the comforter, possibly dragging on the floor.

My urge to take control extends far beyond milk spills and messy beds. I hold back when my daughter comes downstairs with a lopsided ponytail. I sit on my hands as the kids painstakingly piece together a puzzle—my stomach churning as they fumble through each piece before finally locking one into place. The overwhelming desire to just take the brush, the puzzle piece, or the milk carton and handle it myself is nearly unbearable.

Historically, my controlling nature served me well. In the workplace, I got things done—and done right. My supervisors could always count on me, even if my colleagues grumbled about my hovering presence. My life resembled a finely-tuned machine; my credit score was stellar, and my sheets were never a wrinkled mess. The only downside? Air travel makes me anxious; I despise not being in control.

“You know you’ll have to change your ways once the baby arrives,” my friends would warn during my pregnancy, usually while I was reorganizing their spice rack. “This child will turn your world upside down.”

“Yeah, right! Do you have a tape measure? I can build you something amazing!” I would retort.

Turns out, they were spot on. I’m striving to adapt, but old habits are tough to break. I understand that kids need the opportunity to try and sometimes fail to truly learn. Natural consequences are vital; you have to stumble if you want to learn how to walk. That wrinkled sheet under the comforter isn’t going to harm anyone. Repeat after me: the wrinkled sheet under the comforter isn’t going to harm anyone.

My children are cultivating resilience and grit. And judging by the eyebrow twitch I experience as they take 20 minutes each morning to tie their shoes, I’m learning alongside them.

This article was originally published on July 17, 2016. If you’re looking for more insights, check out our other posts, including our privacy policy for more details on how we operate.

In the world of parenting, it’s crucial to embrace the messiness of growth—both theirs and ours. And remember, if you’re seeking resources on fertility and conception, consider visiting Make a Mom for some excellent tips.

Summary:

Navigating parenthood as a control enthusiast can be a challenge. From messy breakfasts to imperfectly made beds, the journey of letting go is crucial for both parents and children. While the urge to take charge is strong, allowing kids to tackle tasks independently fosters their resilience and grit. Embrace the chaos and remember that learning often comes from trial and error.