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Why I’m Not Chasing the Title of ‘Fun Mom’ or the ‘Awesome House’
When my eldest was just a little one, a well-meaning friend offered me some parenting wisdom: “Make your home the hangout spot for your kids’ friends.” I took this advice to heart, envisioning a home that would be the ultimate destination for fun.
I planned on making my place the “cool house.” I imagined buying a trampoline and the latest gaming consoles. Snacks would be overflowing, with a never-ending supply of the good stuff. As they grew, I pictured our dinner table always having extra chairs, with kids proclaiming, “They’re like my second family.”
Fast forward to today. We never did get that trampoline, nor the gaming system. I’m not the mom who opens the fridge and invites the neighborhood kids to help themselves. Instead, I send my kids and their pals outside during the baby’s nap, insisting they tidy up after dragging out every bike and ball from the garage.
Despite my initial aspirations, I’ve realized I’m not the fun mom I once aimed to be—and you know what? I’m perfectly fine with that.
I completely understand the allure of having the cool house. If my kids and their friends flock to our place, especially during their teenage years, I can keep tabs on them. I know who they’re with and what they’re up to, all while providing a safe space for fun.
But in the grand scheme of things, that’s not my primary role as a mom. What truly matters is creating a home where my kids feel comfortable and loved, not one filled with trendy gadgets or endless bowls of snacks.
Growing up can be tough. Drawing from my own teenage experiences, I know my oldest will face years of friendship chaos, romantic entanglements, and all sorts of drama. She’ll grapple with pressures to conform and moments of feeling down or out of place.
During those challenging times, I want our home to be her sanctuary. I hope she can come back from a difficult day and find solace here, regardless of the trials she faces outside.
Cultivating that environment isn’t a walk in the park; it takes dedication and, above all, time. So, sorry kids, but family vacations won’t include your friends. Sure, you’d have a blast, but I’d rather see you gathered around the table, playing board games with us.
I want you to forge strong bonds with your siblings, relationships that last a lifetime. I cherish those unguarded moments when you’re not worried about impressing your friends or too shy to give me a hug.
While I don’t think striving to be the “cool house” is inherently bad advice, I’ve adopted a new motto: Friends are fun, but family is forever. Initially, I thought it was my job to help my teens build their social circles, but I now see that my real mission is to weave a safety net of family around them. No one loves them as unconditionally as their parents and siblings, and I want to invest my time and energy into ensuring they feel that love.
I want them to recognize that, even on the toughest days, home is where they can truly be themselves and feel accepted. And if they occasionally want to invite their friends over? Well, that’s cool too.
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In summary, I’ve shifted my focus from trying to be the “fun mom” to prioritizing the emotional well-being of my children. The goal is to create a loving and supportive home that serves as a refuge from the challenges they face outside. It’s not about being cool; it’s about being family.