My Partner and I Never Got to Experience Life Before Parenthood

home insemination Kit

Whenever my partner and I find ourselves in a gathering with both parents and non-parents, it doesn’t take long for the conversation to shift to, “So, when are you two going to have kids?” When I ask this (and I cringe a bit because I used to find such questions annoying), I don’t mean it in a nagging, “let’s get some grandbabies” manner. I’m genuinely curious about their lives and aspirations. However, their answers often trigger a twinge of envy deep within me.

“We’re waiting until we… travel more, buy a house, get better jobs, pay off our student loans, feel ready…”

These responses are perfectly reasonable and reflect a mature decision-making process. The issue lies within my own experience of becoming a parent. My partner and I had never intended to have children. We agreed on this before our wedding, ensuring that we both wanted a life without little ones running around. Yet, life took a twist, and here I am, a proud mom of two amazing kids. Honestly, I wouldn’t trade them or my current life for anything.

Still, there are moments when I find myself mourning the life I never got to live. Many friends have “plans” for when to start a family. They’re waiting for the right moment, chasing dreams and achieving milestones before diving into parenthood. My partner and I didn’t get that luxury. We barely had a chance to settle into married life before my birth control decided to take a vacation, leading to a positive pregnancy test while I was busy being sick on a family trip.

When our lives took this unexpected turn, we were too stunned by the sudden change to consider what we were giving up. It wasn’t until recently, after discussing with friends who are waiting to have kids, that I began to see the adventures I missed out on, the memories I didn’t get to create, and the freedom that came with child-free weekends. While we were busy researching cribs and diaper bags, our friends were off enjoying life, unencumbered by the responsibilities of a newborn.

Now, don’t get me wrong—my life with kids is far from terrible. We have a stable home, and my children bring joy to my days. But there are nights when I’m exhausted yet restless, and my mind wanders down the path of “what could have been.” The spontaneous trips we never took, the leisurely weekends spent just the two of us—I wish we could have savored that a little longer, but alas, the universe had other ideas.

I hold no resentment towards those who are postponing parenthood to travel or achieve career goals. I admire their foresight and maturity in waiting until they feel fully prepared. I just find myself missing the life that could have been mine.

If you’re considering starting a family or exploring your options, check out this excellent resource on fertility treatments. And if you’re looking into at-home options for insemination, you might want to visit this guide for more information.

For a deeper dive into the topic, you can also read about the experiences of others in our blog post.

In summary, while I cherish my life as a parent, there are times I long for the carefree days I never got to experience. It’s a bittersweet realization that reminds me of the importance of planning and the unpredictability of life.